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Are you aware of the lesser known compromises made by Indian daughters in law? 

As Women, daughters in law undergo a lot of internal struggles and let go of most of their desires just for the smooth functioning of their families. What are they?

lesser known compromises made by indian daughters in law

11 Lesser-Known Compromises made by Indian daughters in law

I have compiled a list of 11 lesser-known compromises that daughters in law make with a string of my personal experiences. Come, let me tell you what they are!

COMPROMISE 1 :: Daughters in Law should Forget the Concept of their OWN-TIME 

No matter how sophisticated a life the daughters in law lead, there is going to be an absolute lack of their own-time particularly when they live with their in-laws.

Daughters in Law should be Responsive all the time

Considering my own case, at times when I would be reading a book, my mother in law would keep calling me from the other room for no reason which would instantly stoke up my senses. Is it not natural for me to get pissed off?

Yet, I would respond and attend to her just by the way of respecting her.

Is that not a Compromise?

Daughters-in-law are not people who come in handy for anybody’s entertainment. They should be respected and their time should be respected too.

How in the world would the in-laws understand that they are trying to cramp their daughters in law’s private time?

COMPROMISE 2 :: Daughters in Law Should Follow Menstruation Guidelines in India

Having a mother who is too stringent with the procedures she follows during the menstruation cycle, I know how difficult it is for a woman who has never experienced such discriminatory practices prior to her marriage, to cope with the menstruation taboo.

Read this screenshot carefully –

lesser known compromises made by indian daughters in law

Daughters in Law Should Isolate themselves During their Periods

Whenever I see my mother being strict about not allowing me inside the kitchen and touching things during my periods, I sympathise with my sister-in-law who had never faced such issues back in her house prior to her marriage.

Even though I had tried harder to change my mother on that front, I had never been successful.

And my sister in law who is trying to get herself adapted to those new or rather uncanny practices, finds them completely annoying. Yet my mother would never make an effort to understand the kind of difficulty she is going through. 

If what my sister in law is doing isn’t a compromise, then what is?

COMPROMISE 3 :: Daughters in Law should be Ready for Sudden Plans

There would be times when I would feel like remaining glued to my bed or staying put at home. 

That’s exactly when my mother-in-law would hop into my room and ask me out for shopping. 

Of course, she cannot go alone and I cannot let her down. The worst part being, I would not be in the right mindset yet I would be taken for Granted.

Daughters in Law should be In-Law’s Companions

Be it a visit to the temple or a supermarket, someone has to accompany her and I become her default go-to person. 

And that means, my work would get shattered, my mindset would take a hit, and my time would not be valued. 

Isn’t that a lesser known compromise?

COMPROMISE 4 :: When “Hesitation” becomes Daughters in Law’s Syndrome

Non-working daughters in law would face difficulties on the financial front primarily when it comes to purchasing things of their desire. 

Daughters in Law Abstain themselves from Asking things

At times, when I go shopping with my mother in law,  surfing through those eye-catching clothes in the bazaar, I would be prompted to purchase something. 

However affordable the dress could be, clouds of hesitation tend to shroud my insides that I don’t even make an effort to ask her.

Had it been my mother, wouldn’t I have asked her with all my heart?

If this is not a Compromise, then what is?!

COMPROMISE 5 :: Daughters in Law should get Accustomed to their New Home and Culture

Even for women who get married to people of the same faith/religion, it is not easy for them to get adapted to the new procedures and rituals of their new home, as they vary from family to family. 

That said, getting used to the protocols of their new home could cause them discomposure and unacceptability at times.

Daughters in Law cannot Question the Protocols of their New Home

As a newly-wedded daughter in law, I was put into such a situation where I had to serve my husband’s relatives a meal in the traditional south-Indian banana leaf. 

While I used to serve the “Thayir Pachadi” (Salted curd delight with any vegetable) in the top-right corner of the banana leaf (and that’s how they are supposedly served in all functions as well), my in-laws conversely asked me to serve it in the top-left corner. 

I was befuddled and could not digest their weird practice. 

“How on earth could they follow something that I haven’t seen elsewhere?”, my mind reckoned. Yet I could not question them and did as I was told half-heartedly.

And this one question remained. Why should I change my practices all of a sudden? Why should women change their practices all of a sudden?

But there was never an answer.

Don’t you think it is one of the lesser known compromises made by Indian Daughters in Law?

COMPROMISE 6 :: Daughters in Law should remain Composed when they are Compared with their Sisters in Law

In-laws with daughters try to relate/compare anything and everything related to their daughters with their daughters-in-law. 

From the type of saree they purchased for their daughters to what they did for their daughters’ marriage, they figuratively come up with almost every baseless thing to challenge or demean their new daughters in law or their families.

In Laws Unreasonably Compare their Daughters in Law with their Daughters

As a newly married woman, I had to be away from my home. And my parents who silently missed me would visit me every now and then to satiate their unsaid feelings for me. 

By the way of catching up with me, they felt so good. Do you see any fault in this? 

My mother in law, whose daughter is away in the states once pointed out, “Can’t your father stay without seeing you? Do you think that we do not miss our daughter too? We just connect through calls once in a while. And that’s it. Not like how you people visit each other, every now and then”

How absurd is it of her to talk like that?

Just because they are “mothers in law”,  do they have the right to speak anything and everything?

Yet I gulped down everything mutedly to avoid problems. 

Is that not a compromise?

compromises made by daughters in law

COMPROMISE 7 :: Daughters in Law should Eat according to Mothers in law’s Taste-buds and Timings or Earn their Wrath

Either if it is the daughters in law or the mothers in law who cooks, the food has to comply with the selective-standards of the mothers in law.

If they feel like adding an extra garlic clove to the chutney, they cannot. 

If they feel like adding more tomatoes to the gravy, they cannot.

Because it is the mother in law’s kitchen and there is no way that daughters in law could tweak it according to their liking.

Daughters in Law should Make Adjustments in India

The other day, when I had planned to make some soft oil-less Phulkas(flatbread), my mother in law did not seem to like the idea. She quickly made a few ghee-greased-chapatis for herself as she kept grousing about not making the same for everyone. 

Meaning, when something doesn’t go according to their mind, in-laws would go crazy. 

In order to maintain peace in the family, daughters in law would be forced to adjust according to them. 

Don’t you think it is one of the lesser known compromises made by Indian Daughters in Law?

COMPROMISE 8 :: Daughters in Law should be Prepared to Face their Spouse’s Relatives

At times, when I would feel like staying locked up inside the house, my mother in law would plan unforeseen short trips to relatives’ places. 

If managing the in-laws is a big deal, it is an even greater ordeal for the daughters in law to manage their relatives especially when their spouse is not accompanying them.

During a considerable number of occasions, I have felt uncomfortable and longed to disappear from the place.

I would sink low, face the uneasiness, and let go of it all though I would prefer to not visit them at all. 

Yet I do certain things just for the sake of doing them.

Isn’t that a compromise in itself?!

COMPROMISE 9 :: Daughters in Law should Resist the Television Menace in India

Exasperating soap-operas are the norms of the day in many Indian households. And my case is no different.

The kind of content depicted in the television is infuriating and influential that I lose my patience with it running non-stop throughout the day. 

But how on earth could I stop my mother in law from watching them?

Daughters in Law would Experience Silent Frustration

I have no other option but to draw a blind-strap in-between to remain unaffected by those coaxing dramas and unsettling dialogues. 

Clenching my teeth in anger, I would silently let go of my frustration. 

Is that not a compromise?

COMPROMISE 10 :: Daughters in Law should Handle their Mood Swings and Surroundings Simultaneously

Most of the women deal with intense mood swings pertaining to their PMS (Pre-Menstrual Syndrome) where it would become too difficult for them to chase away their obstinate or rather erratic mood, making them go all cranky and restless.

That said, as a woman, I have faced similar kinds of situations quite a number of times where I had to compress my fluctuating feelings to give a smile to my in-laws acknowledging them that I am doing well.

Daughters in Law should Finish off their Duties No matter What

Also, there would be times when I would force myself to cook and clean when actually I would not feel like doing them at all. The reason being that I am a daughter in law and I cannot shy away from my duties. 

Well, if you cannot see this as a compromise, then what is a compromise?

COMPROMISE 11 :: When Daughters in Law cannot Say “NO”

Most of the times, I face this issue of not being able to say “NO” to my in-laws.

Even the other day, while eating my mother in law asserted, “Akila, go and fetch the curd pot from the refrigerator”

I was feeling Sluggish but do you think I could say, “No Amma. You please take it yourself”?

Had it been my mother I would have easily shoved her off. But as a Daughter in Law, I was under a Compulsion to do the task.

Don’t you think it is a Lesser Known Compromise?

Desires could wait but duties shall not. Daughters shall enjoy, but daughters in law cannot. 

On an every-day basis, daughters in law depending upon their family circumstances give up a lot of their preferences/desires for the well-being of their families. To maintain peace and harmony at their homes. Indeed it takes a lot of strength for them to do them all but they are hardly noticed. Why? Aren’t their Compromises laudable enough?