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are indian daughters-in-law taken for granted

Are Indian Daughters in Law taken for granted?

This blog details how Indian families treat their daughters-in-law, the way they should not be.

Are Indian Daughters in Law taken for Granted – 7 Startling Truths that will Shock you 

Here I am listing down 7 major factors that makes it evident that Indian DILS are taken for granted –

Daughters-in-Law By Default Are Considered Responsible for Domestic Activities

One of my acquaintances was subjected to rigorous domestic chores by her in-laws the very first day she entered her marital home. They were not bothered whether she knew cooking or not. Nor did they care to ask if she would be comfortable handling the responsibilities. Worst of all, they did not even volunteer to help!

On the contrary, they burdened her with all the kitchen tasks; forced her to cook the way they would like it. Is that not something a person has to do of her own will?

Doesn’t this situation imply that DILS are taken for granted?

Of course, I am not saying that daughters-in-law are not responsible for anything. If they are responsible, so are the rest of the family members. That way, I would be glad if all in-laws expect the same off their sons too. Fair, ain’t it?

Daughters-in-Law are the first to be summoned to Greet and Treat the Guests No Matter How Occupied They Are!

When guests/relatives visit home unannounced, it is on the daughters in law to make necessary arrangements for them no matter how busy they are.

Of course, it would be inhospitable to not treat the guests properly. But is it only the responsibility of the DIL to take charge of the situation? Can’t the in-laws, husbands and the rest of the family members play their part?

It Is ZERO Priority For Daughters-in-Law & their Work!

Every time my father asks my sister-in-law to prepare tea for the guests without checking on her, I get pissed off.

Why are DILS’ time and presence never valued? Isn’t this evident enough to show that Indian daughters-in-law are never treated with courtesy by their families?

Excluding the Daughters in Law from Discussions is Common in India

Once, my husband’s aunt had scheduled a pooja at her place. Since it was an important occasion for the family, the daughter-in-law’s presence was essential. That said, is it not a courtesy to ask the daughter-in-law (me in this case) before getting the pooja scheduled?

To my dismay, neither she bothered to check on my availability nor my limitations as a woman. Period. 

Daughters-in-Law are forced to Abide By Their In-Laws’ Decision

Rather she was like, “Akila, We have scheduled so & so pooja on the 6th of January. Since you are the daughter-in-law of this family, you should be there. Ensure to book the tickets ” 

How could she even take me for granted? Anyway, I am not the only victim here. On a daily basis, many DILS give into their in-laws’ decisions whether they are ok with it or not.

On this note, I would like you to refer to Vanaja Dhruvarajan’s Journal on Religious Ideology and Hindu Women. It Proposes Ways for Women to Ace Up in terms of Gender Equality . Meaning, women are still way behind in terms of Development. Indeed when they cannot even contribute their views to make decisions in their homes, how could we expect them to grow in the outside world?

Indian Daughters-in-Law Should Embrace the Blame even if they are not Responsible for It

Chauvinism is not a thing of past. Daughters in law are by default blamed and accused of almost no fault of theirs in the name of patriarchy.

Insensitive Treatment Being Meted Out To Daughters-in-law is not New in this Country

Here is an example to add clarity to my statement –

Once, my brother had missed his wallet in the train. What followed was a series of blame-game not on my brother for his irresponsibility, rather on the daughter-in-law.

“Is it not your responsibility to take care of your husband’s wallet?” , my mother questioned my sister-in-law.

Insensitivity to the maximum, ain’t it?

This instantly got on my nerves and I rubbished my mother for her mindless blaming on my sister-in-law. When are we going to stop taking our daughters-in-law for granted?

In-Laws Outrightly Exercise their Authority over their Daughters in Law

A woman’s marital family never makes an effort to treat her warmly and with respect. 

Commanding the Daughters in Law is an All-Time Normal In Indian Families

The other day when I visited my husband’s aunt’s home for an occasion, work was aplenty but there were enough women to take care of the chores. So I decided to limit myself to the portico where I was binging on my mobile phone.

Suddenly, my husband’s aunt rushed out and screeched, “Akila, come and serve breakfast for everyone”. Her tone was sure commanding as she would summon her househelp. 

God! I was just the daughter in law of the house. Maybe just another woman. Does that mean she could take me for granted? I am not saying it is wrong to seek help from the daughters-in-law, but isn’t there a way to do it? Why can’t in-laws be polite and requesting?

For that matter, no daughter-in-law would hesitate to share her in-laws’ workload when she is being handled kindly.


Daughters-in-Law Should Remain Mere Spectators Of Their Own Problems 

Sadly, in today’s scenario, it doesn’t hurt the in-laws to spew words that are capable of instantly wounding their daughters-in-law.

Tolerance Is A Good Daughter-in-law’s Virtue

Once my mother-in-law quipped, “Had we known that you are from so&so place, we wouldn’t have considered your proposal”.

This did hurt me. Even if my MIL had wanted to sound funny, I don’t think she should have been so insensitive. 

Just because we are daughters in law, could in-laws talk anything as they wish? When would in-laws start practising mindfulness when dealing with their DILS?


Daughters in Law are Ignored and Treated like Nothing 

In-laws, by default, assume that their Daughters in law are not matured OR experienced enough. This makes them disregard their daughters-in-law easily without giving them the scope to grow independent.

In-Laws Turn a Blind-Eye to their Daughters in Laws’ Emotions

Consider this situation. I have been cooking from the time I was in school; reason being the space my mother used to give me in her kitchen.

That said, once my mother-in-law was struggling to flip the dosas because of the pan being used.

Looking at her situation, I stepped forward to help her. But she was not ready to let me take over; in fact she was not even bothered about my presence. Isn’t that offending?

This might not be a big deal. But the fact is that DILS are not treated with enough respect in their marital homes. When are we going to see this situation change in our country?

Nurturing a Family Should be a Collective Effort, Don’t Unreasonably Expect Only The Daughter-in-Law To Take Charge Of IT

It is not just the daughter-in-law who makes a family. A healthy family is one that is built by all members being supportive of one another.

Daughters-in-law are Human beings too. They Deserve Their Share of RESPECT & LOVE!

Daughters in law are human beings too. They have a heart of their own. Please don’t take them for granted.



What other problems do daughters-in-law face in their marital homes? Share in the comments below.