With most daughters in law stifling their point of views owing to undue inhibitions, it is necessary for them to put across their thoughts in the right manner. That said, How to be an Assertive Daughter in law?
There are numerous ways that Daughters in Law could work on to be Assertive and rid themselves of the problems they would face in the family. Come, Let me tell you what they are.
How to be an Assertive Daughter in Law – 10 Winning Ways that Will make you One
I have compiled a list of 10 helpful ways that would make you an Assertive Daughter in Law. Here it goes –
1. Daughters in Law Should Learn the Art of Response
Most of the time, Daughters in law would find themselves in unfavourable or uncomfortable situations in their families.
That might –
|Trigger their senses|
|Shred their insides|
|Make them unstable.|
Make them talk and react in unnatural ways
But wouldn’t that tarnish their character and attitude as a whole?
As a Daughter in Law, I have found myself in such situations quite a number of times. But as a conditioned or rather disciplined individual that my parents have raised me to, I would try to limit my expression as much as possible in order to prevent problems in the family.
Daughters in Law should Learn to give Subtle Response
To give you an example, the other day, I spotted my father in law searching for his water bottle as I was sweeping the floor. As he kept searching at nooks and corners of the house blocking my way, I stayed still to let him do his work.
To my dismay, he located the water bottle right behind where I was standing and he casually remarked, “Since you were standing here, I was not able to find the bottle all this while”.
Even if he had meant to sound humorous, I was enraged by his remark that I gently commented, “Appa, you were the one who had misplaced the water bottle here” (I indirectly meant that he was the one responsible for it)
And he walked off silently.
In the same scenario, had I reacted harshly, wouldn’t that have led to ensuing arguments and Hostility in the family?
2. Daughters in Law should Know When to Respond
Silence sometimes makes the most powerful weapon to be Assertive.
Daughters in Law should not React under Certain Circumstances
The other day, as I was chattering with my neighbour sitting outside the house, my mother in law suddenly appeared out of nowhere.
She silently pressed her point, “Akila, are you coming to make dosas?”
I grew agitated as I knew the reason behind her action – That she never liked me talking to my neighbor.
Frustrated, I walked straight to the kitchen and started making the dosas, when she asked me, “Shall I do this myself? If you want, you can go and talk to her”.
Of course, she had noticed my frustration and that’s why she came forward with such a statement.
The point is, though I did not fight back, my silence had indeed frozen her insides. Are you getting it? Every Situation does not require retaliation!
3. Daughters in law should Never become Aggressive
No matter how incensed daughters in law are by their in-law’s behaviour, they should know how to control their temperament.
Daughters in Law should Take Stock of their Temperament
Once my sister in law intervened in a small brawl between my brother and father for reason so petty.
By behaving the way she did, she earned a blot in her own Character.
In the same case, had she not lost her temper, wouldn’t things have been different? How bad that A Single wrong move of hers downsized her own Dignity!
To make it clear, at any point in time, it is important for the daughters in law to remember that how much ever antagonised they feel because of their in laws, they should control themselves from crossing their limits and put across their point assertively. As much as possible, they should try to maintain a cordial relationship with their in-laws even if they are overbearing.
In the process of paving Justice for themselves, they should not lose their mind.
4. Daughters in Law should not Deviate from the Subject of Discussion
A lot of Skirmishes tend to amplify and end up in a disaster when Arguments keep piling up.
Hence, it is important for the daughters in law to keep sticking to their Point.
Daughters in Law should stick to the Context of the Situation
When daughters in law face any issue with their in-laws, they should address them in a way that they do not bring up points that are inappropriate to the Situation; Neither should they entertain Irrelevant points put forth by their In-laws.
As much as possible, they should stay in the Context and assert, “Amma/Appa, do not bring up unnecessary points. My Argument is So & So”
This way, daughters in law could salvage themselves from Negativity and remain Assertive.
5. Daughters in law should be Aware of their Stand and Rights
As Grown-Ups, Daughters in Law should be aware of what they are doing and follow the natural law.
By stopping themselves from seeking their In-laws Approval for each and every small thing, they will get to know what they can and they cannot do.
By this, I do not mean that daughters in law should completely ignore or sideline their in-laws; Just that certain decisions should solely depend only on Daughters in law’s interests.
Daughters in Law should Know to Make their Own Decisions
For example, if a daughter in law intends to visit her parents or take up Music Classes or begin a career afresh, it is something pertaining to her interests.
Hence, she shouldn’t be asking, “Amma, Shall I take up this offer/Course?”
Instead, she should say, “Amma, I am planning to take up Music Classes from next week”
It should be INFORMATION ONLY as long as it does not affect their families in any way. And that will make them Assertive.
6. Daughters in law should Build their Confidence and Mold their Personality
Sadly, in India, there is only Infinitesimal Argument-Space for the Daughters in Law. Do you not think it is owing to the Stigma attached to the Society that we live in?
Daughters in Law should Understand the Significance of their Body Language
In this case, the problem equally belies with the Indian Daughters in Law whom I believe, have a wrong presumption that daughters in law should remain Subservient before their In-laws at any cost.
As a Daughter in Law myself, I am strongly against such a myth and feel how important it is for the daughters in law to have a Confident Body Language; For that would give them the necessary space to be themselves and give them enough courage to express themselves in a better manner.
In a Nutshell, Confidence can bolster one to be Assertive.
7. Daughters in Law should Explain themselves Patiently and Clearly
Many a time, Daughters in Law would find their Arguments fizzling out soon after a hopeful start.
The very reason that could be attributed to this, is the lack of Patience and Clarity in their Arguments.
Daughters in Law should Put forth their Viewpoints with Clarity
No matter how complicated or diverse the subject of discussion is, it is important for the Daughters in law to stay Clear and Patient in their view points.
Take this example.
Daughter in Law 1 – “I have some work to do, amma. I will wash the dishes later”
Daughter in Law 2 – “I cannot do now”
Which daughter in law you think fares better in terms of Clarity? Is it not the first daughter in law?
Clarity and Patience while handling the in laws would make the daughters in law way more assertive as that would ensure to keep their temperamental issues at bay.
8. Daughters in Law should Set their Boundaries
Where there is Gossip or Uncalled for Subjects in Discussions, there is always Chaos waiting to unleash itself.
Daughters in law should not Binge on Unnecessary Conversations with their In-laws
In order to prevent such mishaps from happening, Daughters in Law should wisely choose whether they want to take part in a discussion or not.
Considering the kind of consequences that every small comment would incur, the daughters in law should be prudent and stay away from unyielding discussions.
By practicing such an Attitude, daughters in law would not only build a Positive image , Respectable Space, and boundaries for themselves but would also keep themselves Assertive.
9. Daughters in law should Be Genuine
Daughters in Law’s Credibility play a major role in their Discussions with the In-Laws.
Daughters in Law should Gain their in-laws’ Trust
By Credibility, I mean the Trust and Confidence In-Laws would build on their Daughters in Law over time as the latter prove themselves to be sane and right in their discussions.
Say, a daughter in law argues for literally anything and everything. Wouldn’t in-laws deem her as someone really annoying all the time?
In that case, even if her arguments are sound and justifiable for the given situation, do you think she would be heard out considering the kind of Image she had built for herself?
When daughters in law stay genuine, they could stay assertive too.
10. Daughters in Law should think Twice before they Speak to their In-Laws
It is important for the Daughters in Law to take their time before they put across their points in discussions.
Daughters in Law should not Respond Instantly
For any given situation, reacting immediately would only make the daughters in law sound hasty and inappropriate.
It would not only weaken their stand in the discussion but would also make them more vulnerable and ineffective.
On the contrary, when daughters in law allow themselves to simmer however intense the situations are, they could come up with better and stern responses, which would easily make them Assertive.
As Daughters in Law, it is important that WOMEN set Standards for themselves and stay Assertive wherever there is a need; That way, they would not only save themselves from a horde of Unasked for Agony and Regrets but would also preserve their Self-Respect!