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Not able to express yourself around your in-laws owing to your undue inhibitions? Don’t worry, learning how to be an Assertive Daughter in law will help you.

By the time you reach the end of this blog, you would have mastered the art of, “How can I be assertive with my in-laws?”!  Let’s get started with a few quick tips in the graphic below-

how to be an assertive daughter in law

How To Be An Assertive Daughter In Law – 10 Winning Ways That Will Make You One

Living a respectful life is not a choice but your right. Leverage it by developing assertiveness in your everyday life. Here is your WAY 🙂

Learn the Art of Subtle Response!

Many day to day situations put Daughters in law in a tough spot around their in-laws that end up,

Triggering their senses
Shredding their insides
Making them unstable. 

Making them react in unnatural ways

Haven’t you been there already?

Unfortunately your unmindfulness under such circumstances could tarnish your character as a whole, which is why you need to learn how to respond assertively.

As a daughter in Law, I have found myself in such situations too. But as a conditioned individual that my parents have raised me to, I try to limit my responses as much as possible to avoid problems in the family. 

DILS Should Learn To Say NO

Most daughters-in-law are taken for granted by their in-laws.

To quote an example, the other day, my fil asked to accompany my mil to a relatives house. I had some other engagement, so I instantly refused to go.

It is not that dils should not refuse things to their in-laws; it is all about knowing & learning how to say no, in a SUBTLE way.

In the same scenario, had I reacted crudely,  wouldn’t it have led to unnecessary hostility in the family?

How Can I Be Assertive With My In-Laws?


| Why Do Married Women Hesitate To Say NO Even When They Actually Want To? |

Know When to Respond, You Know Sometimes Being Silent Does the Work! 

Sometimes, staying silent is the most powerful way of being Assertive. Wondering how?

A Subtle Smile Could Make The Best Response Under Certain Circumstances

Once, while on a video call with my MIL, she remarked,”It’s been long since I saw you” (her tone hinted a bit of annoyance) 

She obviously meant that I am not talking to her often. You see, I am not a phone person basically!

So when something is not in my nature, what could I do?

I smiled off and stayed silent because I felt there was no requirement for any explanation from my end.

The point is, though I did not talk back, my silence gave her my answer. Are you getting it? Every Situation does not require retaliation!

assertive daughter in law

Never Become Aggressive Around The In-Laws However Triggering The Situation Gets!

No matter how offended you are by your in-law’s behaviour, you should take charge of your temperament.

DILS Should Take Stock Of Their Temperament

Once my sister-in-law intervened in a small argument that ensued between my brother and father.

By behaving the way she did, she earned a blot in her own character. 

In the same case, had she not lost her temper, wouldn’t things have been different? How bad that a single wrong move of a daughter-in-law could downsize her own dignity?!

So at any point in time, it is important for the DILS to remember that how much ever antagonised they get because of their in laws, they should not lose their cool. If needed, they should put across their points assertively.

In the name of paving justice for themselves, they should not lose themselves & their respect.

ways to become an assertive daughter in law

Never Ever Deviate From the Subject of Discussion

A lot of familial arguments tend to amplify and lead to nowhere except negativity. This is why daughters-in-law should never wander away from their point of discussion.

DILS Should Stick To The Context of the Situation

Whenever you face issues with your in-laws, remember to never raise subjects that are not appropriate of the situation; NEITHER should you entertain irrelevance coming from your in-laws.

Possibly, stay in the Context and say, “Amma/Appa, why bring in unnecessary subjects? My point is So & So, so let’s just discuss the current subject and situation & arrive at a solution”

This way, daughters in law could save themselves from undue negativity and also be assertive.

what are the ways to grow assertive as a daughter in law

Be Aware Of Your Stand and Rights

As grown-Ups, daughters-in-law should be take charge of their thoughts, interests, actions,and follow the natural law.

Meaning, they don’t have to seek their In-laws Approval for every little thing. By this, I don’t mean DILS should completely ignore their in-laws from their lives, NO. Just that certain decisions of theirs should solely depend only on their interests.

How Can I Be Assertive With My In-Laws?

DILS Should Make their Own Decisions

To add some clarity to the above point, consider this case. If a daughter in law intends to visit her parents OR take up Music Classes OR begin a career afresh, it is something pertaining to her interests/feelings, isn’t it?

This is where, she shouldn’t be asking, “Amma, Should I take up this offer?” ; instead, she should be bold enough to say, “Amma, I am planning to rejoin work from next month”

It should be an “information only” as long as the DILS’ decisions don’t affect their families in any way. And this automatically empowers them, thereby imparting assertiveness. 

what should a daughter in law do to become assertive

Build Your Confidence & Personality

Most Indian daughters-in-law don’t even get their space to express themselves, All thanks to patriarchy!

DILS Should Understand The Significance Of Their Body Language

This is why the daughters-in-law should start working on building a Confident Body Language for themselves. By this, I do not mean dils should take a disrespectful stance towards their in-laws. Just that they need to work to be more of themselves around their in-laws without any inhibitions.

By doing so, they develop courage to express themselves in a better manner. 

how should daughters in law be assertive

Explain Your Stance/Situation Patiently and Clearly

No matter how complicated a discussion gets, it is important for the Daughters in law to stay clear in their view points.

DILS should Put Forth their Thoughts with Clarity

Consider this example –

Daughter-in-Law 1 – I have some work to do, amma. I will wash the dishes later”

Daughter-in-Law 2 – “I cannot do it now”

Which daughter-in-law do you think fares better in terms of Clarity in this case? Is it not the first daughter in law?

Clarity and Patience while handling the in-laws can make the daughters-in-law way more assertive as it ensures to keep their temperamental issues at bay.

how to be assertive with your in-laws

Set Your Boundaries Clearly, Dear Daughter-in-Law!

Be it Gossiping OR Discussing Uncalled for Subjects with anyone for that matter, there is CHAOS waiting readily to unleash itself.

It Is Best For The Daughters-in-law To not Binge In Unnecessary Conversations With Their In-laws

Considering the kind of negative outcomes, daughters-in-law should be wise enough to stay away from such discussions.

By exercising such an Attitude, daughters-in-law not only end up saving their respect but also draw their boundaries clear to their in-laws.

ways for daughters in law to be assertive with their in-laws

Always BE Genuine!

A  Daughter-in-Law’s Credibility play a major role in her discussions with the In-Laws.

By Credibility, I mean the Trust and Confidence In-Laws build on their Daughters in Law over time; and that is possible only when the latter stay honest, right and clear in their expressions.

It Is Important For The Daughter-In-Law To Gain Her In-laws’ Trust

Let’s say, a daughter-in-law argues with her in-laws for literally anything and everything. In that case, wouldn’t her in-laws deem her as someone really annoying all the time? 

That said, when she actually sounds fair under a given situation, do you not think she would ignored by her in-laws considering the image she has built for herself?

On the contrary, By being genuine in her relationship with the in-laws, a DIL becomes naturally assertive.

I want to become an assertive daughter in law

Think Twice Before Speaking To Your In-Laws

It is important for the Daughters-in-Law to take enough time before they add their points in discussions with the in-laws. 

DILS Should Not Respond Instantly

Be it any discussion concerning the family, reacting/responding immediately would only make the daughters-in-law sound hasty and inappropriate.

It does not only weaken their stand in the discussion but also make them more vulnerable and ineffective.

On the contrary, when daughters-in-law allow themselves to simmer however intense the situations get, they could come up with better and stern responses, which would easily get them across the situation assertively.

what should I do to become an assertive DIL

NEVER FEEL GUILTY FOR BEING ASSERTIVE, For Tomorrow You Don’t Have To Regret For Not Living Your Life!

Living your life on your terms calls for assertiveness at times. This doesn’t mean you are disrespecting your in-laws OR going against your conscience. So never feel guilty for being assertive.

If this blog really proved helpful to you to become an assertive daughter-in-law, don’t forget to leave your thoughts in the comments below.

|ALSO READ : 11 Reasons Why Daughters-in-Law Stop Seeking Approval From Their In-Laws! |