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Most daughters in law stifle their thoughts/emotions/perspectives owing to undue inhibitions around their in-laws. But to get going, it is necessary for them to put across their thoughts in the right manner – How to be an Assertive Daughter in law?

Don’t worry, I have come up with numerous ways for you to be Assertive and strong as a daughter-in-law – Because to me, your Sanity Matters.

how to be an assertive daughter in law

How to be an Assertive Daughter in Law – 10 Winning Ways that Will make you One

Daily situations for dils at times could turn frustrating and stressful. This has to be dealt with cleanly to manage their relationships well; which is why every dil needs to have a proper action plan in place to get through such situtions.

These 10 carefully tried and tested ways will indeed prove to be helpful and make you an Assertive Daughter in Law – Like you never imagined. (It’s okay! You could thank me later)

Let’s see them one by one. Are you ready?

1. Daughters in Law Should Learn the Art of Response!

Most of the time, Daughters in law would find themselves in unfavourable or uncomfortable situations around their in-laws that might – 

Trigger their senses
Shred their insides
Make them unstable. 

Make them talk and react in unnatural ways

Haven’t you been there already?

Unfortunately that could tarnish their character and attitude as a whole, which is why they need to know how to respond assertively.

As a Daughter in Law, I have found myself in such situations quite a number of times. But as a conditioned or rather a disciplined individual that my parents have raised me to, I try as much to limit my expression in order to avoid problems in the family.

Daughters in Law should Learn to give Subtle Responses

It is a well-established fact that most dils are taken for granted by their in-laws. The other day, my fil asked to accompany my mil to a relatives house. I had work, so I instantly responded that I cannot make it.

It is not that dils should not refuse things to their in-laws; just ensuring to express their views in a subtle way without hurting their feelings, would get the work done properly.

In the same scenario, had I reacted crudely, wouldn’t that have led to ensuing arguments and Hostility in the family?

how to be an assertive daughter in law

2. Daughters in Law should Know When to Respond- You Know Sometimes Being Silent Does the Work! 

Your silence sometimes is the most powerful way to be Assertive. Wondering how?

Daughters in Law should not React under Certain Circumstances

The other day, while I was on a video call with my MIL, she remarked,”Its been long since I saw you” (in an annoyed tone) 

(You see, I am not a phone person)

She obviously meant I am not talking to her often; but when that is not in my nature, what could I do?

I smiled off and stayed silent because I knew no amount of explaining would make her understand my situation.  

The point is, though I did not talk back, my silence gave her my answer. Are you getting it? Every Situation does not require arguing/retaliation!

How can I be assertive with in laws

3. Daughters in law should Never become Aggressive Around Their In-Laws!

No matter how incensed daughters in law are by their in-law’s behaviour, they should know how to control their temperament.

Daughters in Law should Take Stock of their Temperament

Once my sister in law intervened in a small brawl between my brother and father for some reason.

By behaving the way she did, she earned a blot in her own Character. 

In the same case, had she not lost her temper, wouldn’t things have been different? How bad that a Single wrong move of hers downsized her own Dignity!

To make it clear, at any point in time, it is important for the daughters in law to remember that how much ever antagonised they get because of their in laws, they should not cross their limits.

If needed, they should only put across their point assertively. As much as possible, they should try to maintain a cordial relationship with their in-laws even if they are overbearing.

In the process of paving Justice for themselves, they should not lose their mind.

how to be an assertive daughter in law

4. Daughters in Law should Never Deviate from the Subject of Discussion

A lot of Skirmishes tend to amplify and end up in a catastrophe when arguments keep piling up. Hence, it is important for the daughters in law to keep sticking to their Point. 

Daughters in Law should stick to the Context of the Situation

When daughters in law face any issue with their in-laws, they should address them in a way that they do not bring up points that are inappropriate to the Situation; neither should they entertain irrelevant subjects put forth by their In-laws.

As much as possible, they should stay in the Context and say, “Amma/Appa, let’s only stick to the subject. Why bring in the past? My point is So & So”

This way, daughters in law could salvage themselves from Negativity and remain Assertive.

how to be an assertive daughter in law

5. Daughters in law should be Aware of their Stand and Rights

As Grown-Ups, Daughters in Law should be aware of what they are doing and follow the natural law.

By stopping themselves from seeking their In-laws Approval for each and every small thing, they will get to know what they can and cannot do.

By this, I do not mean that daughters in law should completely ignore or sideline their in-laws; just that certain decisions should solely be based only on Daughters in law’s interests.

Daughters in Law Should Know to Make their Own Decisions

For example, if a daughter in law intends to visit her parents OR take up Music Classes OR begin a career afresh, it is something pertaining to her interests.

Hence, she shouldn’t be asking, “Amma, Shall I take up this offer/Course?”

Instead, she should say, “Amma, I am planning to take up Music Classes from next week”

It should be INFORMATION ONLY as long as it does not affect their families in any way. And that will automatically make them Assertive.

How should daughters in law be assertive

6. Daughters in law should Build their Confidence and Mold their Personality

Sadly, in India, there is only Infinitesimal Argument-Space for the Daughters in Law. Do you not think it is owing to the Stigma attached to the Society that we live in? 

Daughters in Law should Understand the Significance of their Body Language

In this case, the problem equally belies with the Indian Daughters in Law whom I believe, have a wrong presumption that daughters in law should remain Subservient before their In-laws at any cost. 

As a Daughter in Law myself, I am strongly against such a myth persisting in our society and feel how important it is for the daughters in law to have a Confident Body Language – By this, I do not mean dils should have a disrespectful approach. Just that they should be themselves around their in-laws without any inhibitions.

That would give them enough courage to express themselves in a better manner, after all, shouldn’t dils feel at home around their in-laws too?

In a Nutshell, Confidence can bolster one’s Assertiveness.

How to be assertive with your in laws

7. Daughters in Law should Explain themselves Patiently and Clearly

Many a time, Daughters in Law would find their Arguments fizzling out soon after a hopeful start.

The very reason that could be attributed to this, is the lack of Patience and Clarity in their Arguments.

Daughters in Law should Put Forth their Viewpoints with Clarity

No matter how complicated or diverse the subject of discussion is, it is important for the Daughters in law to stay Clear in their view points.

Take this example.

Daughter in Law 1 – “I have some work to do, amma. I will wash the dishes later”

Daughter in Law 2 – “I cannot do now”

Which daughter in law you think fares better in terms of Clarity? Is it not the first daughter in law?

Clarity and Patience while handling the in laws would make the daughters in law way more assertive as that would ensure to keep their temperamental issues at bay.

how to be an assertive daughter in law

8. Daughters in Law should Set their Boundaries Clearly!

Where there is Gossip or Uncalled for Subjects in Discussions, there is always Chaos waiting to unleash itself.

Daughters in law should not Binge on Unnecessary Conversations with their In-laws

In order to prevent such mishaps from happening, Daughters in Law should wisely choose whether they want to take part in a discussion or not. 

Considering the kind of consequences that every small comment would incur, the daughters in law should be prudent and stay away from unyielding discussions.

By exercising such an Attitude, daughters in law would not only end up building a Positive image , Respectable Space, and boundaries for themselves but also keep themselves Assertive.

Ways to be an assertive daughter in law

9. Daughters in law should Be Genuine

Daughters in Law’s Credibility play a major role in their Discussions with the In-Laws.

Daughters in Law should Gain their In-laws’ Trust

By Credibility, I mean the Trust and Confidence In-Laws build on their Daughters in Law over time; and that is possible only when the latter stay honest, right and clear in their expressions.

Say, a daughter in law argues with her in-laws for literally anything and everything. In that case, wouldn’t in-laws deem her as someone really annoying all the time? 

That said, when she actually sounds fair under a given situation, do you think she would be heard of considering the kind of image she has built for herself?

NO, isn’t it?

So when daughters in law are being genuine in their relationship with their in-laws, they turn assertive naturally.

how to be an assertive daughter in law

10. Daughters in Law Should Think Twice Before They Speak to their In-Laws

It is important for the Daughters in Law to take their time before they speak out their points in discussions. 

Daughters in Law should not Respond Instantly

Be it any discussion, reacting/responding immediately would only make the daughters in law sound hasty and inappropriate.

It would not only weaken their stand in the discussion but also make them more vulnerable and ineffective.

On the contrary, when daughters in law allow themselves to simmer however intense the situations are, they could come up with better and stern responses, which would easily make them Assertive.

Ways for daughters in law to be assertive with their in laws

Daughters-in-Law Could Have Their Own Thoughts & Emotions – Why Silence Them In The Name of Patriarchy?

No human being could be snatched of his/her rights; the daughters-in-law are no exception to this.

It is high time that DILS set Standards for themselves and stay Assertive wherever needed – They CAN to ask what they want. They CAN speak wherever they need to.

That way, they would not only save themselves from unasked for agony and regrets but also preserve their Self-Respect!

What are your thoughts after reading this post? Did you find it useful?

Share them in the Comments Section Below!