There are a good number of reasons to not live with your in laws.
This blog highlights 24 disadvantages of living with your in laws.
Why is it Difficult To Live With In Laws? 24 Startling Reasons To Not Live With Your In Laws!
Here you go!
Either Develop Enough Patience To Put Up With YOUR In-Laws’ Immense Care For Their Son OR Get Frustrated
Let’s say your husband is not keeping well. Obviously, any parent would be concerned about their son under such circumstances.
But what if that concern goes overboard and ends up annoying you, the daughter-in-law?
Why? Aren’t daughters-in-law concerned about their husbands too? What if this attitude of the in-laws keeps repeating every time?
You Need To Do Things The Way They Do For Their Son
Rather, if they intervene too much and force their DIL to go about things (be it cooking OR taking care of her husband when he is not in good health; anything for that matter) the they way did for their son, it just doesn’t make sense.
Is it not equivalent to destroying a woman’s individuality altogether? Besides, wouldn’t she have her own desires to take care of her husband?
Forget Your Personal Space
In this developed yet stereotypical age, most in-laws fail to understand their boundaries.
Tell me, would you like it when your in-laws keep disturbing you with some work or the other, when you are working from home OR involved in some other activity? What if it becomes a daily affair? Wouldn’t that become frustrating?
You Cannot Enjoy A Dedicated Space With Your Partner
Living in a joint family means daughters-in-law will have to give up on a lot of privileges they are entitled to enjoy with their partners otherwise.
The sad part is not being able to share a private space with their spouse especially with in-laws around all the time. Isn’t that a disadvantage of living with one’s in-laws especially when someone is newly married?
Give Up Making Decisions
Let’s say you decide to enroll your kid in one of the best schools in town but your in-laws are against it because they have other options in their mind.
But if you choose to stick with your decision as a mother to your kid, would it not evoke bitterness in your relationship with your in-laws? What if this keeps happening over making some decision or the other? Now I think this is one of the main reasons to not live with your in-laws.
It annoys the most when in-laws make it a point to breach their boundaries and interfere in their dils and sons’s day to day matters.
Such behaviour of in-laws is not good for the couple in the long run.
You Cannot Plan Leisure Trips With Your Husband
Some DILS face huge responsibilities in a collective family. Some DILS often face oppositions from their in-laws that they cannot even plan trips with their partners.
How frustrating could this get in the long-run?
Forget Your Ways & Follow Theirs
In India, it is only a wonder if mothers-in-law don’t make kitchen experience bad for the daughters-in-law.
From instructing the DILS to place the spice boxes at the respective spots to cooking the dishes their way, mothers-in-law control their DILS to follow their practices, strapping the latter’s wings.
This is not it. Be it maintaining the house or buying groceries, most in-laws have an upper hand over their DILS.
Amidst all this, how could DILS manage being around their in-laws easily?
You Cannot Visit YOUR Parents Without Their Consent
It is after all a woman’s will to visit her parents. Should that invite unnecessary dissent from her in-laws, is that even fair?
Could you, as a daughter-in-law tackle this easily?
Handling Domestic Responsibilities is Problematic
When it comes to sharing household responsibilities in a joint family, things get too rigid between MILS and DILS. Especially when both of their ways are not aligned with each other on this front, you know what it could lead to.
This makes it difficult for both the parties to live at peace together in the long run.
Face Criticism for Spending a Few Bucks
Most in-laws don’t like it when daughters-in-law spend even a little for themselves.
They are quick enough to judge and label their DILS “IRRESPONSIBLE”. Would that not enrage the DILS?
It Is Raining Responsibilities for Daughters-in-Law In A Joint Family
Responsibilities of a DIL in a joint family multiply manifold when in-laws don’t lend a helping hand.
Especially when the dils are working, management becomes a huge burden for them. Is this not reason enough to not live with your in-laws?
Occasional Mental Hindrances Are Inevitable Around In-Laws
In-laws’ behaviour towards their daughters-in-law decide the peace-quotient in families.
Unfortunately if they happen to be controlling OR complaining about their DILS all the time, it will undeniably impact the latter’s mental health. Should DILS be subjected to such environment all their lives?
Adjust, It is a Must
Some in-laws are conservative while some are not. Based on that, the kind of practices in-laws follow tend to affect the daily-life of their DILS.
Making compromises is considerable but not to the extent of the DILS losing themselves.
Forget Individuality In A Joint Family
When in-laws try to influence their DILS most of times, wouldn’t that impact the latter’s individuality?
Let’s say your cooking style is different from your MIL’s. And your MIL time and again keeps intervening whenever you cook.
Add extra green chillies to this.
Don’t add more sugar to the milkshake. What not?
Obviously annoying, ain’t it? But if you could tackle them wisely, well, you are great 🙂
You Cannot Invite Your Friends And Family Home As You Wish
When in a joint-setup, daughters-in-law cannot easily invite their friends and family home at their convenience.
They have to check with their in-laws, gauge their comfort levels, after all they too hold the responsibility of treating their guests hospitably.
If this feels like a major problem for you, living with in-laws doesn’t work.
In-Laws’ Ever-Flowing Complaints On The Way You Raise Your Child
Most Indian Parents-In-Law do not appreciate the way their daughters-in-law raise their children.
But when unnecessary pressure is mounted on the DILS over small things, it will result in unpleasant situations in the family in the long run.
If you cannot handle this assertively, it could turn daunting for you in the long run.
FORGET Spending Time With Your Spouse
How could daughters-in-law accommodate time for their spouse with so many responsibilities to shoulder and with in-laws around all the time?
Is it not important for a woman to spend some quality time with her husband?
Your Plans Go For A Toss Most Of The Times
With in-laws around, you cannot plan and go about things as you think.
Let’s say you have planned to visit your friend with your partner while his uncle and aunt show up to your surprise. How would you deal with the situation? What if this becomes a regular affair?
Your Equation With Your Spouse Turns More Complex
Most men change their attitude in front of their parents. So when things actually get cold between the in-laws and daughters-in-law, most husbands refuse to step in.
What is the situation of the daughters-in-law under such circumstances?
In-Laws Manipulate Your Husband Against You
Some in-laws keep their son influenced, unbothered of the feelings of their daughters-in-law.
When such behaviour is encouraged, wouldn’t that pose a threat to the DILS’ relationship with their spouse in the long run? If you are facing such a situation and living in a joint family, you need to get this sorted with your spouse upfront.
TO SUPPORT THE CASE IN POINT, I FOUND THIS ARTICLE IN THE HINDU THAT TALKS ABOUT THE EMOTIONAL TURBULANCES A DAUGHTER-IN-LAW GOES THROUGH WHEN HER IN-LAWS INTERFERE IN HER MARRIAGE!
Here is a screenshot from the article –
Ready To Sacrifice Your Self-Respect?
Many in-laws don’t see it necessary to hear out the suggestions of their daughters-in-law. All thanks to society and its pragmatic stereotypes!
If you are a woman who cannot stake your self-respect for anything, see this as one of the significant reasons to not live with your in-laws.
Maintaining A Cordial Relationship With Your In-Laws Always Remains A Challenge
Conflict of interests are inevitable in a joint family.
Whether daughters-in-law choose to be assertive OR aggressive, when differences happen, it affects their relationship with their in-laws; which means living under one roof is not going to keep the family at peace.
| SHOULD WOMEN IMPRESS THEIR IN-LAWS, FOR JOINT FAMILIES TO THRIVE? |
You Have To Think A Lot Before Doing ANYTHING In A Joint Family
When it is just the husband and wife, the duo could make quick decisions related to anything and execute them in a flick.
But when it comes to a joint culture, making decisions becomes complicated. Also, it makes living together difficult in the long run considering the kind & intensity of differences prevalent today.
For Joint Families To Thrive, Trust & Mutual Understanding Is The Key!
These 24 reasons to not live with your in-laws might not apply to everyone equally. Whatever be the problem you are facing with your in-laws, understand, work out ways and then take a call whether you need to move out or not.
As a value-driven person, I would say for a peaceful family to thrive in the long run, developing cent percent trust and understanding is essential from both ends.
| IF THERE ARE A NUMBER OF REASONS TO NOT LIVE WITH YOUR IN-LAWS , THERE COULD BE SOME GOOD REASONS TO LIVE WITH THEM TOO, CHECK OUT THIS BLOG, LIVING WITH IN-LAWS IS A GOOD IDEA OR NOT |
What is your situation like? Would you prefer a joint family OR not? Share your thoughts in the comments below.