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There are a good number of reasons to not live with your in laws. 

If you are a daughter-in-law dreading to live with your in-laws, you should KNOW why do not want to. This blog gives you all details about it.

Reasons Why You Shouldn't Live With Your In-Laws

23 Startling Reasons To Not Live With Your In Laws – A Handy Guide To Every Daughter-In-Law Out There!

In one of my previous blogs I have done a complete analysis on whether living with in-laws is a good idea or not. It discusses both the positive and negative aspects of living with your in-laws – I thought it will help you.

On the contrary, this blog simply talks about the dark side of living in a joint family. Think through and decide what is good for you and your family.

1. Your Personal Space Is Intruded By Your In-Laws

In this developed yet stereotypical age, most in-laws fail to understand their boundaries.

Knowingly or unknowingly they make it a point to interrupt their daughters-in-law work time and again irrespective of what they are doing.

Tell me, would you like it when your in-laws keep disturbing you with some work or the other, when you are actually working from home OR doing something else?

This becomes a headache if it happens to become a regular affair, Obviously!

2. You Don’t Enjoy A Dedicated Private Space With Your Spouse

Living in a joint family means daughters-in-law will have to give up on a lot of privileges they are entitled to enjoy with their partners otherwise.

The worst part is not being able to find a private space to be with their spouse especially with in-laws around all the time.

Unless and until you have a proper space in place, this aspect might make your marriage difficult in the long run.

If you have trouble Tackling your In-Laws, this blog will help you 🙂

3. Your Independence Has Become A Question Mark In A Joint Family

Some parents-in-law who are overbearing pose a tough challenge to their daughters-in-law when the former tries to keep the latter under their control all the time.

Does it not mean the DILS’ independence would be put to stake?

Tell me, how would you feel when your in-laws try to restrict you from building a career for yourself?

How would you handle it when your in-laws do not allow you to make your own decisions?

In case you know to effectively handle such situations by being assertive, well and good. If not, chances are that your sanity will take a hit. 

Why living with in laws is a bad idea

4. You Experience Your In-Laws’ Unnecessary Intervention In Your Marriage Life!

It annoys the most when in-laws make it a point to breach their boundaries and jump in between their dils and sons.

Shouldn’t in-laws know their boundaries in the first place? Wouldn’t it be discourteous of them to meddle with others’ private affairs?

Let’s say your in-laws keep talking about your conception all the time, wouldn’t that get frustrating for you?

It will help if your spouse is able to help you handle such situations, otherwise, it could get daunting for you.

5. You Are Not Able To Plan Trips With Your Spouse

I understand how frustrating it could get when you are not able to plan private vacations with your partner.

Some dils might face huge responsibilities in a collective family. Some dils might face oppositions from their in-laws which stops them from planning trips with their partners.

As a dil, would you be able to handle such situations wisely?

6. You Are Finding It Hard To Establish A Space Of Your Own In The Presence Of Your In-Laws

In India, it is only a wonder if mothers-in-law don’t make the kitchen experience bad for the daughters-in-law.

From instructing the DILS to place the spice boxes at the right shelves to cooking the dishes their way, mothers-in-law control their DILS to follow their practices, strapping the latter’s wings.

This is not it. Be it maintaining the house or buying groceries, most in-laws try to have an upper hand over their DILS.

Amidst all this,  how could DILS pull off their stay with their controlling in-laws easily?

Also Read: How To Be An Assertive Daughter-In-Law?

7. Visiting Your Own Parents Sets The Floor For Mockery For Your In-Laws

It has become rare to spot in-laws who graciously respect their daughters-in-laws’ decision to visit their parents.

So obviously, dissent and opposition is what pops up from the in-laws in most cases, when DILS plan to go to their parents’ place.

Would you, as a daughter-in-law tackle this easily?

8. You Face Persistent Problems In Managing Domestic Responsibilities

When it comes to sharing household duties in a joint family, things get too rigid.

Both MILS and DILS go against each other on this front and consider that one is always doing more work than the other.

This ensues undesirable consequences making it too difficult for both the parties to live under the same roof in the long run.

9. Your Decisions Are Opposed By Your In-Laws MOSTLY

Let’s say you decide to enroll your kid in one of the best schools in town but your in-laws are against your choice due to the school’s exorbitant fees structure.

But you are clear on your stance because you want to provide the best education to your child no matter what.

Don’t you think your decision would evoke bitterness in your relationship with your in-laws?

10. Your Spending Habits Are Questioned Unnecessarily

Most in-laws don’t like it when daughters-in-law spend even a little for themselves.

They label their DILS as IRRESPONSIBLE and make it too difficult for these women with their repetitive taunts and remarks.

11. Responsibilities Are Everywhere In A Joint Family

Daughters-in-law’s responsibilities in a joint family multiply when their in-laws don’t lend a helping hand.

Especially when the dils are working, management becomes a huge burden. 

Either you should be able to handle it all OR have understanding in-laws who help.

12. Occasional Mental Hindrances Are Inevitable Around Your In-Laws

In-laws’ behaviour towards their daughters-in-law decide the peace-quotient in families.

Unfortunately if they happen to be controlling OR taunting OR complaining about their DILS all the time, it will undeniably impact latter’s mental health.

Don’t want to live with your in laws

13. Making Adjustments Is The Heart OF A Joint Family

Some in-laws are conservative while some are modern.

Based on that aspect, if the kind of practices in-laws follow tend to affect the daily-life of their DILS, it has to be dealt with seriously.

Making compromises for family is good – But when ONLY compromises become your life, it is not good.

You MUST read these 11 Lesser-Known Compromises Made By Indian DILS…

14. Your Individuality Is Challenged In A Joint Family

When in-laws try to influence their DILS most of times, wouldn’t that impact latter’s individuality?

Let’s say your cooking style is different from you MIL’s.

And your MIL time and again keeps intervening when you cook.

Add extra green chillies to this.

Don’t add more sugar to the milkshake.

And so on. 

Obviously, they are annoying.

But if you could tackle them wisely, well, that’s great 🙂

15. Inviting Your Friends And Family Home Has Become Difficult With Your In-Laws Around!

When in a joint-setup, daughters-in-law cannot invite their friends and family at their convenience.

They have to check with their in-laws, gauge their comfort levels, after all they too hold the responsibility of treating their guests warmly.

If this seems like a big deal for you, living with in-laws will be a problem.

16. Your In-Laws Keep Complaining The Way You Raise Your Child

Most Indian Parents-In-Laws do not appreciate the way their daughters-in-law raise their children.

Obviously,  their approaches differ.

But when unnecessary pressure is mounted on the DILS over little little things, it will result in unpleasant situations in the family in the long run.

If you are not an assertive dil, this could become daunting for you.

17. With In-Laws Around, Spending Time With Your Spouse Has Become a Rarity

How could daughters-in-law accommodate time for their spouse with so many responsibilities to shoulder and with in-laws around?

Spending quality time with partners is a RIGHT of every daughter-in-law but then to access the right in itself becomes a challenge in joint families. Is that fair in a marriage?

I don't want to live with my in laws anymore

18. Your Plans Go For A Toss Most Of The Times Because Of Your In-Laws

One of the annoying things being in a collective family is having to bump into insensitive relatives every now and then.

Either they come unannounced to visit your in-laws OR they are invited by your in-laws themselves which you are not aware of.

Let’s say you have planned to go on a drive with your spouse when your spouse’s uncle and aunt show up suddenly. How would you feel?

When they happen rarely, that is ok. But when they become a norm?

19. Your Equation With Your Spouse Is Turning More Complex In The Presence Of Your In-Laws

Most men change their attitude and approach in front of their parents.

So when things actually get cold between in-laws and daughters-in-law, these middle men refuse to step in.

If this is a problem you resonate with, you have got to talk out with your husband about his insensitivity.

Obviously, you cannot encourage building bitter relations with your in-laws in the long run.

20. Your In-Laws Manipulate Your Partner Against You

Some in-laws strive hard to keep their son under their control no matter what, unbothered of the feelings of their daughters-in-law.

When such behaviour is encouraged, wouldn’t that pose a threat to the DILS’ relationship with their spouse?

If you are facing such a situation, you need to clarify this with your spouse upfront.

To support the case in point, I found this article from the hindu that talks about emotional turbulences a daughter-in-law goes through when her in-laws interfere in her marriage.

I don’t want to live with my in laws

 

21. Your Self-Respect Has Become A Question Mark In A Joint Set-Up

Many in-laws don’t see it necessary to hear out the views and suggestions of their daughters-in-law.

The problem here is that the DILS are not treated with respect. Thanks to society and its pragmatic stereotypes!

Either we need to build a society that starts seeing daughters-in-laws as human beings OR end up losing families to patriarchal mindset.

22. Maintaining A Cordial Relationship With Your In-Laws Still Remains A Challenge

Conflict of interests are inevitable in a joint family.

Whether daughters-in-law choose to be assertive OR aggressive, when differences happen, it affects their relationship with their in-laws.

But if you ask ,Should Women Impress Their In-Laws, NO, it will not work in the long run.

23. You Have To Think A Lot Before Doing Something In A Joint Family

When it is just the husband and wife, the duo could make quick decisions related to anything and execute them in a flick.

But when it comes to a joint culture, wives assume the role of a daughter-in-law too where they have to consider their in-laws before making decisions.

Why it is not good to live with in laws

For Joint Families To Thrive, We Need To Work On Building Mutual Understanding!

These 23 Reasons need not be applicable to every daughter-in-law out there. So, understand your situation around your in-laws and make a wise decision. 

To conclude, as a Value-driven person, I BELIEVE for a family to function peacefully, there has to be understanding and adjustments happening from both sides.

Atleast from now on, lets’ encourage empathy and not patriarchy in families 🙂

 

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