I know it doesn’t feel good to have a MIL who feels insecure. But a lot of situations in your everyday life could speak the signs of an insecure mother in law which you need to take charge of.
My aim here is to empower every daughter-in-law who reads this blog on how to deal with an insecure mother in law wisely. Come, let’s get started!
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15 Crucial Signs Of An Insecure Mother in Law & Ways To Handle Them Wisely!
Her Conversations Are Full Of Instructions!
Most MILS assume that their daughters-in-law are irresponsible by nature.
“Buy small sized mustard seeds. Not the bigger one”
“Store coriander leaves in a plastic container”
Tiny instructions like these form major portions of their conversations that it obviously ends up irking the DILS (especially so for the DILS who already plan things appropriately)
Now you might wonder what sort of insecurity is this. Yes, it is to do with their fear of you managing their family in future.
To deal with such situations, you could take your husband’s help. Let him make his mom understand the situation.
Otherwise, you keep doing your good work responsibly, possibly your actions will do its work one day. Till then let go and keep going, because you are traversing on the right path!
She Checks On Your Husband Every now and then
If you are living separately from your MIL, it is highly possible that she might be feeling insecure.
The reason being the distance and presence of another woman in her son’s life.
Can we also say she is feeling disconnected from her son?
All this shows in the way she tries to keep tab on you and your husband quite often.
As long as your MIL’s intervention is non-toxic, you could attempt to bridge the gap, if any, between your husband and his mother.
If required, you could also check on her once in a while. This helps her a bit in handling her problems and also help you in establishing a good relationship with your mother-in-law.
She Tries To Force-Feed Her Decisions On You
By any chance, do you think your MIL takes an upper hand over small decisions that concern you and your husband?
Being grownups, such a behaviour from your MIL could be truly annoying for you.
The best way to put your foot forward here is to convince your hubby to confront his mom. Indeed he needs to take it on himself to make his mom realise his situation. After all, he is not the same child that he was once, isn’t it?
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You Try To Be A Good Daughter, But You Often Hear Your MIL Say This To Her Son, “Are you even going to take care of me?”
Fights and Quarrels happening between a mom-son duo is natural. But when it happens with a DIL around, it scares the MIL. Why?
Because she feels she would lose her respect in front of her DIL?
Yes, and this fear takes the form of a question, where the MIL often asks her son, “Are you even going to take care of me?”
Anyway, it is inbuilt for MILS to blame their DILS for the bitter relationship they share with their sons. And all this we could attribute to their their insecurity!
If you feel you should take charge of this situation, as a daughter-in-law, you could assure your MIL, by saying, “Amma, we are always there to take care of you. Don’t worry”
Even if this doesn’t transform your MIL completely, remember, you are taking a baby step towards establishing a trustable relationship with her! So it is worth it!
Here is an insightful pointer I found from a study titled, “A qualitative study of mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationships” at proquest.com!
She Decides To Move With You
After years of being in a nuclear setup, when your mother in law announces her decision to move in with you and your husband, it means that she has started feeling insecure about her future.
Of course, age aggravates people’s fear and insecurity about their situation and this case is no different.
Welcoming them with an open-heart would definitely make them less insecure and happy. So go ahead and welcome her gracefully 🙂
She Controls Your Husband
It is natural for a mother to try to control her married son when she senses that he is drifting away from her hold.
Tell me, wouldn’t you feel the same had you been in her place too?
This is nothing but her expression of LOVE & POSSESSIVENESS towards her son; jealousy and insecurity are just the byproducts of this feeling, that she starts acting in ways so strange. Don’t worry, make her feel loved and see how transforming it gets in your MIL!
She Resents It When Your Hubby Takes Responsibility For Your Parents
Which mother doesn’t feel jealous when her son takes care of his in-laws?
No wonder if you are facing the same issue with your mother-in-law.
Anyway, as we all know, like how a DIL has the responsibility towards her in-laws, the son-in-law has his responsibility towards his in-laws as well. So rationally, whatever your husband is doing is right.
So what of your MIL who is unable to understand this and instead feeling let down by her own son?
Least thing you could do here is make your hubby talk to his mother. Rest is all in your MIL’s hands. It all lies in the way she matures as a good mother, MIL, and a human being!
She Doesn’t Like Her Son Being Henpecked
It would definitely go wrong if the husbands don’t give their wives a sense of belonging in their homes.
By this, I don’t mean the wives are always right and the MILS, wrong, and so the husbands should inevitably support their wives. NO.
What I intend to communicate is that, since wives leave their homes to accommodate in their husbands’ homes, they badly require moral support from their husbands.
This is an important factor that every new MIL should empathise with and facilitate a good environment for their DILS.
Instead if they choose to blame it on their DILS for distancing them from their sons, they are only going farther away from their sons.
This form of insecurity has to be broken by the MILS themselves OR maximum, by their sons, who could make them see the situation clearly!
She is Authoritative
Your MIL trying to control you is an obvious sign of her insecurity.
The reason being, MILS do not want to be put down by anyone, especially not their daughters-in-law.
Unfortunately, such an attitude only backfires and leave a negative impression on their daughters-in-law.
Again, you could take your partner’s help to fix this issue. If that is not working, learn to be assertive, so your independence is not challenged!
|ALSO READ : 10 EFFECTIVE WAYS TO BE AN ASSERTIVE DIL |
She Says, “Have You not been Eating what I had been Cooking all these Years?”, to Your Husband
Say your Husband speaks high of one of your mastered dishes and asks you to prepare it.
In case your mother in law is sporty enough, she would take it in the right spirit. On the contrary, if she feels entitled, she will wryly state, “Have you not been eating what I had been cooking all these years?”
This is again one of the forms of her insecurity. Though it is her problem, you could strive to clear it by making your hubby maintain a balance between you both.
Possibly, he could say, “Of Course, mom! We all know you are a great cook. But why don’t you allow her to do it once? You will definitely like it!”
Such a response will set things straight and give way for peace in your family!
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She Disturbs your Privacy
Respecting the Husband-Wife Privacy is basic and every mother-in-law should understand it.
If your MIL doesn’t and keeps barging into your room, breaking your conversations, it is not courteous on her part.
Going deeper, we need to understand that this is a result of her fear of being distanced from her son.
Again, your husband needs to be assertive with his mom on this OR he needs to take the help of another close aide from the family to put an end to this.
She Asks her Son, “Have you Ever Helped ME like this?”
Say your hubby chops vegetables for you.
Observing this, let’s say, your MIL comments, “Have you ever helped your mother like this?”
This question apparently signals her insecurity as a mother.
Anyway, all thanks to patriarchy, what the mothers don’t develop in their sons, their wives do post marriage. So, you guys are going good , it is the mindset of the MIL that needs a change here.
Once your hubby starts helping out his mother as well, you might observe a positive change in your MIL. Otherwise there is no point in arguing OR challenging your MIL’s mindset. If time favours her, she will blossom out and accept her son’s gestures gracefully!
She asks her Son, “Have you ever cooked for me?”
Thanks to changing times, men have started seeing cooking as a life-skill.
So if your MIL comments, “Have you ever cooked for your Mother?”, when your hubby cooks for you, it undoubtedly points out her insecurity.
On a lighter vein he could respond, “Mom, You never allowed me to cook all these years. Now that I have learnt to cook, I will prepare something for you as well”
This should cool down your mother-in-law and bring her out of her insecure thoughts!
She does not Appreciate you
Ever got into a situation where you received a bunch of praises from around except your mother-in-law?
Well, this clearly points out her insecurity, but as a DIL, should you even need approval from your MIL?
Learn to let go, it will save you from a lot of mental hassle!
|ALSO READ : 13 CRUCIAL REASONS WHY SHOULD STOP SEEKING APPROVAL FROM YOUR IN-LAWS |
She Competes with You
Let’s say you cook Rava Kichdi and it comes out really well. In order to make up for that, your MIL prepares Rava Kesari to gain her son’s attention.
This is evidently an indication of her insecurity.
As long as your MIL’s behaviour is not toxic, laugh off and let go of her childish behaviour.
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Let me know how my suggestions helped you deal with your insecure mother-in-law.
Don’t give up, every relationship takes time to build a better understanding. Good day 🙂