Why do mothers-in-law don’t like daughters-in-law? Isn’t this a social problem we all should be worried about?
There is pandemonium in almost every household that has a MIL and DIL together. Anything small the latter does is cooked to create an explosion by the former; because MILS never like their DILS. What causes this situation? Come, let’s discuss!
Why Do Mothers-In-Law Don’t Like Daughters-In-Law – A Perfect Analysis I Have Worked Out Just For You!
MILS are so worried about only their sons that they never take notice of the feelings and emotions of their DILS.
Also a lot of other factors lead to MILS disliking their DILS. What are they? Let us check them out one by one.
Obviously Society Has Stereotyped Daughters-In-Law In The Minds Of You, Me , And Everyone, Let Alone The Mothers-In-Law!
How do you think the term “Daughters-in-law” impact the minds of the MILS?
Sadly, all it evokes is disgust and disrespect on the whole, for the society which adorns women as brides, outrightly shames them once they clad the role of DILS.
Every MIL out there experiences this, then how could the question of loving DILS even surface in this society?
Isn’t it high time we start setting a proper ground for equality, respect, and love in all our minds for the DILS?
Society Has Taught The MILS To Control Their DILS
Most MILS feel they should have their DILS under their control. Why do they feel so? Isn’t the social construct responsible for such a mindset?
Tell me, those whom you wish to control, how could you even like them?
Also Read :: Are Indian Daughters-in-law taken for Granted?
Mothers-In-Law Try To Equate Their Daughters-In-Law To Their Own Daughters
“Had my daughter been here, she would have understood me”
“Had my daughter chosen the saree, it would have matched my interests”
“Had my daughter been here, she would have taken a great care of me”
MILS Could Never Be Satisfied By Their DILS’ Kindness
No matter how hard DILS work to make their MILS happy, the latter would never be satisfied.
In the case of MILS who keep finding some fault or the other with their DILS, how could the latter even feel motivated to help and serve the former?
I believe, this is where gratitude comes into picture and everyone needs to follow it religiously to lead their relationships in a healthy way – Will MILS ever feel grateful for every small thing that their DILS do for them?
MILS Want Their DILS To Think The Way The Former Think
Why do mothers-in-law don’t like daughters-in-law?
One of the major problems with most MILS is that they expect their DILS to act and think the way they do.
If the MIL wants her DIL to be at home, she has to be at home.
If the MIL wants her DIL to go for work, she has to go for work.
If the MIL wants her DIL to cook rice and lentils, she has to cook the same.
In case anything goes against MILS’ thoughts and wishes, it only adds to their existing hatred against their DILS.
Tell me, how fair is it to expect another human to think and behave the way you do? Why don’t DILS have minds of their own?
MILS Never Appreciate The Relationship DILS Share With Their Families
Which MIL out there encourages her DIL to visit her parents?
The moment DILS either ask or say they are meeting their parents, most MILS grow annoyed and some disappointed too.
Whatever may be the reason, is it wrong for women to visit their parents after marriage? Is it wrong for them to support their parents financially and emotionally?
I am sure this could impact the MILS and make them hate their DILS, but why does that even matter?
Daughter-parent relationship is forever precious and has to be nurtured at every point of life. Just because women are married doesn’t make them any less responsible towards their parents.
MILS Don’t Like It When DILS Don’t Give Importance To The Former’s Family
Some women socialize while some don’t – It is in their nature.
Shouldn’t MILS understand this aspect about their DILS? Instead how fair is it of the MILS to expect their DILS to mix and gel well with every family member of theirs?
As long as the DILS keep showering everyone with respect, what is there to lose for the MILS?
MILS Expect Their DILS To Have Proper Communication With Them
Obviously it is not possible for all DILS to communicate easily with their MILS. It is based on individual traits, isn’t it?
But most MILS out there expect their DILS to have regular conversations with them, share with them all their personal things and that too forcefully.
How fair is that when DILS are not comfortable with that?
And most importantly, do MILS facilitate enough warmth for their DILS that could establish a good bond between the two?
A neutral relationship without unnecessary conversations sounds great to me than a relationship wound with chaotic conversations and compulsions. What about you?
MILS Judge Their DILS Based On Their Families
Like father like daughter, OR like mother like daughter, isn’t this a common phrase all of us hear often?
But is it right of the MILS to frame an opinion of their DILS based on their encounters with the latter’s family?
I have faced this personally where initially my in-laws critically assumed I would be reserved like my mother too; as in they were not happy about it.
I am sure, most DILS come up against such issues in their lives too; high time MILS stop judging their DILS and have an open mind to welcome them as they are into their families.
MILS Want Their DILS To Do Things The Former Want Them To Do
“I am going to make laddoos now and I want my DIL to help me”, this is the kind of expectation most MILS have off their DILS. Is it not the most demeaning way to hack the work of their DILS?
I don’t understand, can’t DILS follow their work and time according to their commitments and schedule?
Recently, one of my friends told me,”Work keeps me occupied most of the weekdays. Weekends are the only time I get to spend with my daughter. But my mother-in-law makes me cook the whole two days just because she wants to consume hot, freshly cooked food. I don’t know when she will understand me; if I cook food beforehand, she doesn’t like it”
MILS Want Their DILS To Do Things The Way The Former Want Them To Do
The same friend told me , “My mother-in-law never lets me prepare dosa batter; she keeps intervening just because she feels I dunno the process like she does. At times it gets on my nerves!”
Who is spared of such experiences? I have had my share of bitterness too with my mother-in-law, but when we try to express it, they don’t like it. Whose fault is all this, of MILS or DILS?
Also Read :: 11 Lesser-Known Compromises made By Indian DILS
Mothers-In-Law Are Quite Afraid Of Changes That Their DILS Might Bring In Their Homes
It is quite obvious for women to run their house the way they want to; and the entry of a new lady for them means threatening their routine and traditional practices.
For example, my MIL does vermicelli upma with semolina while I don’t add semolina to my preparation. This indeed did not go well with her, and a little disconsonance was generated back then when I used to prepare the dish for dinner.
Though this isn’t a big issue, its roots could be traced to human psychology because all of us are trained and conditioned to see, do, and act in particular ways from childhood that we are adamant to let change in our lives.
I guess, high time, not just the MILS but all of us need to start expanding our mindset for changes 🙂
Why Do Mothers-In-Law Don’t Like Daughters-In-Law – Because MILS Expect Their DILS To Handle Situations The Way They Did Years Ago, Unfair Isn’t It?
Is it possible to apply something you learnt years ago to any current situation just because you found it beneficial back then?
One of the common issues that mothers-in-law find is the way their daughters-in-law handle their children.
Modern mothers pursue their own ways. For example, I see a lot of MILS forcing their DILS to feed their children with things the present mothers don’t agree with.
Say a child falls sick and the MIL advises her DIL some home remedy while the latter prefers to take her child to the hospital. This would obviously enrage the MIL, isn’t it?
But in this case, who could you point fingers at?
Both the ladies intend for the child’s good health; just that their ways are different. Does it make the DIL any insensitive and reckless?
Why Do Mothers-In-Law Don’t Like Daughters-In-Law – Because MILS Don’t Like DILS To Have Privileges They Didn’t Have Years Ago
“Did I visit my parents like she does?”
“Did my in-laws even allow me to work those days?”
“Look at my DIL now, she wanders in the name of official trips. Did I even have the privilege to step out of my house those days?”
“My husband never took me for any vacation. But look at my son, he often plans vacation with his wife”
When DILS Make Their Own Decisions, MILS Find It Offending
Modern women are mostly financially independent and that has ensured them enough courage to make their own choices and decisions.
But in the eyes of their MILS, DILS deciding things for them and their families is outright considered unacceptable; for what they could not practice years ago is happening now, very much under their nose.
Tell me, why should DILS bear the frustration of their MILS who are finding it difficult to come to terms with the present day evolutions, though we are still under the ugly umbrella of patriarchal construct?
MILS Are Not Ready To Accept Their Modern DILS
For sure, Women of present times are not as home-driven as the earlier ones.
Right from the way they dress to the way they handle their responsibilities, a lot has changed. Isn’t it?
Say a DIL decides to order food outside after a tiring day at work; But she is mocked and considered inefficient by her MIL.
Who is right and who is wrong here?
I guess, MILS need to understand the demanding times that exist now; instead of complaining, they could at least make their DILS and sons understand the importance of taking home-cooked meals.
That would solve unnecessary predicament and make things smooth in the family. Don’t you agree?
MILS Expect Their DILS To Be Ideal Wives To Their Son
Most MILS expect their DILS to be devoted, kind, calm, and act a loving wife to their sons. But tell me, could even something that you consider ideal ever be achieved perfectly? Are DILS mere dolls?
Now do you understand why mothers-in-law don’t like daughters-in-law?
MILS Mistake DILS’ Assertiveness For Disrespect
Unfortunately though, even this has been misconstrued and taken for disrespectfulness by these MILS.
Tell me, what is wrong with DILS making their stance clear? “I want to do this”, “I am going”, and so on and so forth, is it not a time of pride for society?
No love in this world could be as unconditional as mothers’, undeniably, isn’t it?
But what of DILS who are forced out of their mothers’ cocoons to be in a completely isolated, unfamiliar set-up all of a sudden where they can no longer exercise their freedom and joy like ever before?
In that case, when they are duly supported by their husbands’ love, what is wrong in that?
Rather on the basis of morality, shouldn’t MILS too be loving enough of their DILS? Being women, shouldn’t they empathise with their fellow women?
MILS Are Jealous Of Their DILS
Envy is poisonous and it could make relationships miserable.
A lot of factors could make MILS jealous of their DILS, and I have written a whole blog just on that. You could hop in to understand this serious problem that is a major contributor to spreading hate wildly in MILS-DILS relationships.
MILS Try To Compete With Their DILS Over Their Son
Just because MILS do not want to lose their place to their DILS, they walk all lengths to keep their son close to them.
But don’t you know, competition in relationships could increase hatred between the parties involved?
With their unfounded assumptions, How could MILS think their DILS are son-snatchers?
Sadly, this has to be corrected, and MILS should understand their immaturity sooner or later to ward off the evil that is ready to impair their peace and happiness forever!
MILS Are Influenced By Their Acquaintances, Mostly By Their Own Daughters
Bad influences could act as a major spoiler to relationships and this is why we need to be careful of what we share and hear from third parties.
Gossiping In Neighbourhood With Other MILS Adds To The Already Increasing MILS’ Woes
In most cases, MILS are guided by what other MILS think and talk of their DILS.
Also, by their daughters who try to wall the relationship their mothers share with their DILS.
Can you tell me, is it right of a daughter to frame a bad opinion of someone from their own family? What value is this?
Why Do Mothers-In-Law Don’t Like Daughters-In-Law – Because Modern-Age MILS Are Hugely Under The Influence Of Daily Soap Operas
Let alone these daily dramas that adorn the black screens in every house. What impact they leave on the minds of these MILS is immeasurable and beyond one’s understanding.
It Is Hard For MILS To Strike Similarities With One’s DIL
DILS Have Different Values. The way and times they have been raised is completely different to that of their MILS’, isn’t it?
That said, if DILS have their own thoughts, ideologies, and principles, should they be blamed for not being like their MILS?
DILS Are Earning And Making An Impact In The External World
Of course, most women these days are financially sound and the kind of imprint they are leaving outside their homes is praise-worthy.
This obviously doesn’t get the MILS happy, and facilitates for them a reason to not like their DILS – Shouldn’t this situation change for better?
When Will MILS Ever Make Peace With Their Daughters-In-Law? Will Mothers-In-Law Ever Change Their Perspective About Their DILS?
I guess it is high time we start creating awareness campaigns to achieve oneness in families, for across the world the MIL-DIL relationship is one of the crucial factors that decides the joy of almost every home – What do you think? Share your thoughts or concerns you might have as a daughter-in-law in the comments section below!