Are you looking for a new perspective on marriage?
Well, being a millennial, if you are someone who is badly looking for a change in the way a marriage is perceived and practiced traditionally, I could guarantee for the time you spend on this blog-post. Because this blog is all about the CHANGE you seek from society!
A New Perspective On Marriage You Are Looking For Exactly – One-Stop, You Shouldn’t Miss!
Being a patriarchal society, here most marriages are gender-biased where men rule the roost while their better-halves, women are left to fend for themselves.
That said, it is no wonder if the insensitivity of society and its inclination towards men roils you more as a married woman.
This post is brought out with an aim to bring about a paradigm shift in some of the common yet stereotypical practices followed by the society in the functionalities of a marriage. It vents the suffering of every married woman across – Hope you resonate with this!
Also, don’t worry, changes are not impossible if you are willing to make efforts to make your marriage, an egalitarian one. Here you go!
|1) Let Men & Their Families Share The Marriage Expenses Incurred|
|2) Both Men And Women Are Liable In A Marriage – Why Make Only Women Responsible?|
|3)The Concept Of “Dowry” Should Be Abolished To The Roots|
|4) Making Parents Liable Towards Their Daughters’ New Families Is Unequivocally Unfair In A Marriage – Shouldn’t This Come To An End?|
|5) Exercising Groom-Side Authority Towards Women’s Families Is Pure Crap And It Has To Change|
|6) Women’s Families Shall Give Gifts To The Groom’s Families – Subject To One’s Interests & Financial Stability|
|7) DILS Should Take Care Of Their Parents Too|
|8) Men Should Take The Responsibility Of Their In-Laws|
|9) Management Of The House Should Be Done By Both The Partners|
|10) Wives Should Be Allowed To Build Their Career|
|11) Women Visiting Their Parents Should No Longer Be Criticised|
|12) Women Should Take Care Of Their Parents Without Any Problems|
|13) Married Women Should Support Their Parents Financially|
|14) Wives Should Exercise Their Freedom Rid Of Inhibitions – Spouse Or In-Laws Trying To Control Them Should Come To An End|
|15) All Decisions Should Be Taken Together By Both The Partners Involved In A Relationship|
|16) Let Men Gel Well With Their In-Laws – Why Make A Deal Out Of It?|
|17) Women Should Be Treated With Enough Respect In A Marriage|
|18) Having Children Is Subject To The Consent Of Both The Partners In A Marriage|
|19) Couples Should Vow To Take Care Of The Parents Of One Another|
|20) Couples Should Share Their Thoughts About Their Respective Families With One Another Without Any Inhibitions|
|21) Being Mindful In A Marriage Is Very Important|
|22) The Idea Of Controlling & Manipulating One Another Should Be Dropped In A Relationship|
|23) Taking Care Of Children Should Be Done By Both The Partners In A Marriage|
|24) Spouse Staying At Wives’ House Should Be Normal – It Shouldn’t Be Mocked At Anymore|
|25) If The Concept Of Working Women Could Be Well-Received, Why Not The Concept Of House-Husbands?|
|26) When Men Helping Out Their Wives In The Kitchen Is Considered Normal|
Lets’ go elaborate on this 🙂
1) Let Men & Their Families Share The Marriage Expenses Incurred
In India, weddings mean grandeur for the grooms and co, while a burden for most of the brides’ parents.
Is it even fair to expect women and their families to take care of the entire marriage expenses when they actually struggle hard to lead a normal, casual lifestyle in most cases?
My case was no different, in fact my father invested a lifetime of his earnings to get my marriage done. Why?
Though there are a few exceptions to this, Indian people are more inclined towards hefty marriages. Women’s parents, irrespective of their financial stability, go overboard to take fatty loans for this purpose.
Why can’t both parties involved in a marriage share expenses instead?
Tell me, is it wrong for women to expect change on this front?
Also Read:: Are Indian Daughters-In-Law Taken For Granted?
2) Both Men And Women Are Liable In A Marriage – Why Make Only Women Responsible?
I have seen and lived through this particular thing for sure.
Women work all seven days through the week – Never mind, for the working class, it is a double whammy.
Whenever I see husbands ordering their wives to do things, I simply lose my cool.
“Why did you not restock the snack-box? I have nothing to eat now”
“I need a hot cup of coffee, now”
“Why didn’t you wash my blue shirt?”
“Why don’t you bake chocolate cake for a snack?”
“My friend is coming for lunch tomorrow”
“Drop the kid at school”
Don’t you spot chauvinism that pervades the tongue behind these statements?
I wonder if women are bestowed with the sole-proprietorship of marriage & its operations – Shouldn’t men step forward to take care of their marital responsibilities too?
Also Read:: 18 Overlooked Problems of Daughters-In-Law
3) The Concept Of “Dowry” Should Be Abolished To The Roots In Marriages
The most annoying aspect about marriage is the concept of “dowry”.
As though conducting marriage is not enough, men expect their in-laws to keep fulfilling their desires even after their marriage.
“Why don’t your parents get me a new bike?”
“If your parents don’t get me a new property, you may go back to your house”
Even “Give and Take policy” is a natural law – Alas in marriages, most men and their families restrict themselves to JUST RECEIVING.
Shouldn’t this come to an end?
4) Making Parents Liable Towards Their Daughters’ New Families Is Unequivocally Unfair In A Marriage – Shouldn’t This Come To An End?
It is no wonder that female foeticide is still rampant in India – In the name of marriage, women’s parents are forced to take a reserved approach towards their son-in-law’s families.
When parents give their daughters’ hand in a marriage, that doesn’t mean they should stay subservient to their counterparts.
In fact, shouldn’t they as their daughter’s parents have their heads held high and proud always?
5) Exercising Groom-Side Authority Towards Women’s Families Is Pure Crap And It Has To Change
Similar to the point discussed above, men and their parents should also take a respectful disposition towards their daughters-in-law’s families.
Assuming high-handedness and practising authoritarianism should no longer be the norm. Don’t you agree?
Also Read:: 29 Expectations From An Indian DIL
6) Women’s Families Shall Give Gifts To The Groom’s Families – Subject To One’s Interests & Financial Stability
God knows why but men and their families by default assume that they would be presented with clothes and other articles during festivals and certain rituals by their DILS’ parents.
My spouse once commented, “Your parents will anyway get clothes for diwali for me. So I am not buying anything”
In this case, don’t you think the spouse is taking his in-laws for granted?
What is done to keep their relationship ties unsnapped with their daughters, is used to men’s advantage.
Don’t you think this perception should change? Of course, if women’s parents genuinely desire to share gifts with their sons-in-law and families, it is ok; but not at the cost of burdening the former’s already debt-ridden wallets!
7) DILS Should Take Care Of Their Parents Too
Daughters-in-law are expected to stay away from their parents once they are married. Why – Does marriage mean breaking a relationship for forging another?
I don’t get this, should daughters give up on their parents just to stick to a societal stigma that encourages them to stay separated from their parents?
If men are entitled to take care of their parents, why not women?
Imagine the plight of those daughters whose parents don’t have male children. Is their condition even justifiable?
Shouldn’t this be seen as a new perspective on marriage from here on and take shape in reality?
8) Men Should Take The Responsibility Of Their In-Laws – A New Perspective On Marriage
“My future daughter-in-law should be able to take care of us. We expect nothing else from her” – This is a general expectation put forth by parents of grooms before marriage.
When these people could outrightly express such conditions to women and their families, why are women’s parents refused such privileges?
Even most men fail to understand the intensity of this subject. That is why, they simply expect their wives to take care of their own parents and never give a thought about the latter’s parents.
High time that both men and his parents give a thought and take responsibility for their DILS’s parents as well.
9) Management Of The House Should Be Done By Both The Partners
With women gradually making strong imprints on the work sector, would it be fair of society to expect them to single-handedly take through the domestic affairs?
Contributing significantly to the financial management of the house just like men, aren’t they making a difference?
The problem is most people fail to understand the basic concept of marriage where all aspects involved in making a living together by the parties involved should be unequivocally shared.
Society should broaden its mindset to see all entities as one and the same – So, let’s not make work gender-specific, be it domestic responsibilities OR finances.
Also Read:: 39 Amazing Signs Of A Happy Marriage
10) Wives Should Be Allowed To Build Their Career
In the name of orthodoxy, most families restrict women from pursuing their aspirations and career.
“I want my daughter-in-law to take care of the house. She should be a home-administrator”
“She has children to raise. If her focus deviates, it becomes a problem to the growth of her children”
These are some of the thoughts that rule the mindset of this society. In what way is this even justifiable? Then why are women even educated?
Why do people confuse career with family?
11) Women Visiting Their Parents Should No Longer Be Criticised
When married women even plan a visit to their maternal house, they are interrogated by their in-laws as though they are about to commit the biggest crime.
“Only last week you visited your parents. Why do you have to visit them again?”
“I never visited my parents as you do after I got married”
This is the kind of response and reaction women receive from their spouse and in-laws when they say, “I am planning to visit my parents”
Do you know the kind of fear that society has instilled in the minds of these women? They have to think a thousand times over & reason out with their in-laws to visit their parents – Why? Do they lose their basic rights as they get married?
Shouldn’t this crooked practice see its end soon?
12) Women Should Take Care Of Their Parents Without Any Problems
In the coming years, I particularly wish to see this change – Women taking their parents in with them.
Why are women’s parents denied the right to their daughters and vice versa?
Do parents literally raise their daughters to get them married away someday, only to stare at their vanished presence?
As much as parents owe their duties towards their daughters, the latter also have equal responsibility towards their ailing or aged parents. Don’t you agree?
13) Married Women Should Support Their Parents Financially
This is the present view-point of mens’ parents when their DILS are striving hard to support their parents –
“My daughter-in-law gives away her salary to her family”
“I don’t know how much she even earns; only things I know is that she gets her parents a lot of stuff”
Seriously? Why is the world still questioning the responsibility of daughters towards their parents?
When are we going to grow up?
14) Wives Should Exercise Their Freedom Rid Of Inhibitions – Spouse Or In-Laws Trying To Control Them Should Come To An End
Millennials might have an evolved mindset yet chauvinism is genetically etched in most of them.
“I am not allowing you to go to your friends’ house”
“Serve me food, immediately”
“Don’t you dare speak against me”
Such thoughts prevail in this society where women are still ordained and controlled by their spouse and in-laws.
In the name of marriage, why are voices and activities of educated women stifled? Why is such behavior even encouraged?
A new society should see women hustling and bubbling with energy, completely independent of stereotypes and patriarchy.
15) All Decisions Should Be Taken Together By Both The Partners Involved In A Relationship
Be it monthly financial planning of the house OR undertaking a function in the family, both husbands and wives should do it together.
Suppose it is your child’s first birthday and you have dreamt huge of it. To your dismay, your spouse makes arrangements for it without taking your word. Isn’t that unfair?
If a man is the father of the child, so is the woman, the mother of the child. So, any decision pertaining to their children should be jointly taken. Any differences should be discussed and resolved then and there.
As much as husbands could have a say on things, wives should also have the same privilege, nothing more nothing less.
16) Let Men Gel Well With Their In-Laws – Why Make A Deal Out Of It?
“Ram seems hen-pecked”
“Raja is more inclined towards his wife’s family. Looks like she has snatched him away from his parents”
Have you heard people murmuring these statements in weddings or other occasions?
When men are seemingly attached to their in-laws or wives, is it something to be censured?
Marriage connects two families together. So if men are connected to their newly-found families, it is something to be appreciated; not deplored.
17) Women Should Be Treated With Enough Respect In A Marriage
Every human-being on this planet deserves to be respected.
So why are daughters-in-law/wives treated indifferently in their marital homes?
Why do people view marriage as a contract for women for home-services?
Right from the moment they enter their marital homes, women are subjected to mental agony in the form of gender-discrimination, house-hold work, in fact they are expected to behave subserviently before their in-laws and spouse.
By default, they are expected to take hold of the domestic responsibilities and beckoned to do things.
“Cook so & so for dinner”
“Don’t go anywhere now”
“Serve coffee for all the guests”
Is that even fair? Don’t women lose their self-respect amidst all the chaos?
Demeaning women through such practices should be stopped and I also strongly believe that only when women learn to be assertive, could they keep their lives under control.
18) Having Children Is Subject To The Consent Of Both The Partners In A Marriage
As though women are baby-generators, in-laws expect their DILS to conceive as soon as they are married.
One thing should be made clear here – Neither is conception a gender-specific decision nor a family-oriented decision.
Only when both the husband and wife are mentally-ready, should they proceed with conception.
Influence or pressure from husbands or in-laws on women specifically, in this regard is unacceptable.
So, let couples lead a stress-free marriage life!
19) Couples Should Vow To Take Care Of The Parents Of One Another
Let me give you a new perspective on marriage.
Wouldn’t it be refreshing and gracious, when both the husband and wife pledge to take care of one another’s parents?
“I vow to take a good care of your parents like mine”
This is a promise that both men and women should make to one another during their marriage to fortify fairness in their relationship. That way, a positive relationship could be established by both the parties with their respective in-laws.
Also Read:: What are the 5 traits of a healthy family?
20) Couples Should Share Their Thoughts About Their Respective Families With One Another Without Any Inhibitions
It is natural for both men and women to develop coldness with one another’s in-laws. But do they open up their hearts to one another on this front?
The problem I see here is most women and men fail to share their thoughts about their respective families with one another fearing undue repercussions in their relationship.
“Your mother is behaving arrogantly with me”
“Your father is trying to impose his thoughts on me”
What is wrong in sharing such thoughts with one’s spouse?
Only when partners decide to share their mind with one another, could they develop a good understanding of one another. Also, differences or serious issues if any, could be resolved swiftly in the family.
Also Read:: 29 Red-Flags In A Marriage
21) Being Mindful In A Marriage Is Very Important
Picking fights with one another for petty reasons, unmindful of the situation is unhealthy for a relationship.
That is why, differences and unexpected arguments should be dealt with carefully.
In case, your spouse takes a decision keeping in view the necessity of the situation instead of your preferences, you have to understand it and let go of your obstinacy.
To give you an example, say your spouse is running a hectic week at the office finding it too difficult to give time for you. In such a case, instead of initiating a squabble, you should understand his condition and stay supportive of him. Do you understand the term “Mindfulness” here?
Why shouldn’t this be a new perspective on marriage, when all the world is heading towards divorce and break-ups for preposterous reasons?
22) The Idea Of Controlling & Manipulating One Another Should Be Dropped In A Relationship
Be it men OR women, trying to manipulate their partners through some means or the other should be avoided at any cost.
If a husband wants to spend time with his parents, let the wife allow him to; instead if she tries to stop him from interacting with his parents out of her narrow-mindedness, then it is called imposition.
I feel in every relationship, equanimity is possible only when enough space is provided for one another. Controlling and manipulating will go a long way in making the relationship acerbic!
23) Taking Care Of Children Should Be Done By Both The Partners In A Marriage
In most families, women are pressured to give up on their career considering the wellness of their children.
Why aren’t men assigned equal responsibility to take care of their children?
If a child is not brought up well, only the mother is blamed, why isn’t the father made liable here?
If it takes two to give birth to a child, then the duty of raising it up also belies both of them.
What does the term “Better-half” signify when men are not ready to assume responsibilities of their children?
24) Spouse Staying At Wives’ House Should Be Normal – It Shouldn’t Be Mocked At Anymore
God knows why, people look down on men who make it to their in-laws’ house.
“Look at Vijay. He always stays at his mother-in-laws’ place. Such a shameless fellow, he is”
Why aren’t sons-in-law another son for women’s parents?
When would society open its eyes to this fact?
25) If The Concept Of Working Women Could Be Well-Received, Why Not The Concept Of House-Husbands?
Kitchen – It is seen as a women’s forte, by default.
Cleaning & Washing – It is also considered a women’s forte by default. Shouldn’t this change for the better?
As I mentioned previously, in a marriage both the partners should take onus of both domestic and financial management of the house.
In fact, shouldn’t we be heading towards a tweak in this concept considering the contemporary times?
How about an exchange of roles in the family? Wives going for a job and men taking care of house-hold responsibilities?
My spouse would often say this, “If you start earning a sizable amount, I will quit my job and take after a house-wife’s role”
I don’t think this should be a problem when the mindset of both men and women are tending towards breaking the stereotypes. Women should also be marking their space outside their homes and taking a lead in a lot of things.
Why shouldn’t there be a house-husband and a working wife? Isn’t that a new perspective on marriage? Why should society pressure only men with financial responsibility?
26) When Men Helping Out Their Wives In The Kitchen Is Considered Normal
I don’t understand this – when men help out their wives with cooking and cleaning, neither the in-laws nor the society accepts it.
They would be like, “Why should men do such work? Don’t they have something better to do?”
Why – Is it a cardinal sin?
Such a mindset that is deep-rooted in patriarchy and jealousy is not a good sign; so revamping it is a must!
Right from gender-discrimation to mistreatment of women’s parents, a lot has to change in a marriage.
If you think this blog is insightful and could make a headway for a change in society’s mindset towards the concept of marriage, give it an upvote. Also, share your thoughts in the comments section below; I would be happy to address them 🙂