Tackling Indian in laws is not a cake-walk for sure. As a daughter-in-law myself, I understand the kind of difficulty one has to go through everyday, considering the sensitivity and challenges the relationship involves.
If you are an Indian daughter-in-law who wants to efficiently handle your in-laws and win over your problems, then it is good that you have come here – This guide will help you for sure!
A Complete Guide To Tackling Indian In Laws – For Every Daughter-In-Law Out There!
The problem with most Indian parents-in-laws is that they strive so hard to keep their son and daughters-in-law under their control no matter what.
And that is what gives rise to so many issues in the family where the daughters-in-law are forced to bear the brunt day in and day out of their lives.
Why should the dils face the wrath of societal stereotypes that governs their in-laws?
In order to deal such situations, I have come up with some of the day-to-day issues that you might be facing as a daughter-in-law in your marital home along with effective solutions to cross all the hurdles and emotional setbacks easily – Shall we check them out?
Dealing With Indian In-Laws Based On Their Behaviour!
I have classified this blog into 6 Categories based on In-Laws’ behaviour –
|1) How To Deal With Your In-Laws When They Take You For Granted?|
|2) Dealing With Complaining Indian In-Laws|
|3)Tackling Indian In Laws When They Have Differences With You And Your Practices|
|4) Dealing With Indian In-Laws When They Interfere In Your Relationship With Your Spouse|
|5) Dealing with In-Laws When They Try To OverPower You|
|6) Dealing with In-Laws When They Try To OverPower Your Spouse|
Read on as I have elaborated them for your better understanding!
How To Deal With Your Indian In-Laws When They Take You For Granted?
When your In-Laws take you for granted, it means they do not understand your needs and simply consider you as someone who works for the well-being of the house – As a human, is that mindset even right?
The following situations will give you a better clarity!
When Your In Laws Place The Onus of Domestic Responsibilities On You
Are your in-laws exhausting you with all the domestic responsibilities?
Do you find it difficult to juggle between too much workload at home and office?
Are your in-laws being inconsiderate of your struggles?
If yes, then it is high time that you talk to your spouse about this. Tell him that you are not able to manage the workload without any support.
Either you should convince the husband to share the responsibilities OR rope in external assistance to reduce your workload – At any cost, he needs to make his parents understand the difficulties you are facing.
When Your In-Laws Treat You Like Nothing
Do you have a feeling that your in-laws don’t treat you properly?
Are your in-laws disrespectful of you and see you as a mere care-taker of the house?
If Yes, as a woman myself, I highly insist that you create an identity for yourself. Being a house-wife isn’t bad. But when you become a financially independent woman, you will automatically find respect everywhere.
Though it is saddening to note here that people don’t value the complexities and difficulties of a house-wife, finding a spot in the external world would sure earn her enough respect from her in-laws’ as well!
Also Read: 18 Overlooked Problems Of Daughters-in-Law
When Your In-Laws Exclude You In Making Decisions OR Never Take Your Opinions Into Consideration
Do you have a feeling that your in-laws exclude you while discussing OR making family related decisions?
Are you being sidelined every time? That way, do your in-laws’ ignorant actions hurt you in any way?
OR do your in-laws neglect your suggestions all the time?
If you are facing any of the above issues, then it is high time that you start giving importance to your SELF-RESPECT. Understand that when your in-laws don’t consider you or your suggestions, the loss is theirs and not yours. Why do you have to unnecessarily worry about people who don’t even respect you? Why do you have to let yourself down for others? Why do you have to cripple your mental health for no proper reason?
When Your In-Laws Don’t Respect Your Private Space
Do you have a feeling that your in-laws bother you all the time?
Do they disturb your personal space and keep throwing tantrums at you?
Despite knowing the fact that you are working OR busy doing something, do they still expect you to do things for them?
If you could resonate with any of these questions, then you have to learn to be ASSERTIVE with your in-laws. Tell them that you are busy with some work and that you might take some time to do the work they are asking you to do(unless and until it is demands your immediate attention). That way, you don’t just finish your work but also politely delay their work!
When Your In-Laws Try To Impose Their Practices on You
Are your in-laws trying to force their practices on you?
Does your mother-in-law always insist that you cook the way that she does?
Do your in-laws try to change the way you do things and keep interfering a lot?
If yes, does it not pose a threat to your INDIVIDUALITY and SPACE in your house?
Of course, there is nothing harmful in learning things from your in-laws but when they become imposing and overwhelming, you will only end up losing yourself, Isn’t it?
In order to avoid that, take a subtle approach towards your in-laws and say, “This is my way of doing things, amma and appa” and let them know their boundaries in a gentle manner.
When Your In-Laws Expect You To Take Care Of The Guests All The Time
Do your in-laws trouble you to take care of their guests every now and then?
Does it increase your workload and hinder your usual responsibilities?
If yes, then you have got to let your in-laws know that you are busy with other responsibilities as well. Be assertive. If they still do not understand you, talk to your partner. His intervention could save you from a lot of trouble!
When Your In-Laws’ Plan Clashes with Yours
Say you have an office meeting cum dinner to attend when your in-laws inform you about one of your relative’s birthday parties on the same day.
If you are hesitant (because your agenda is important to you) yet feel compelled by your in-laws to attend the relative’s function, stress to your in-laws how important it is for you to attend the meeting and ask your spouse & in-laws to show up for the other function. Isn’t that a good idea?
Remember, you should always set your priorities right and learn to make the right decisions at the right times. That way, tackling Indian in laws becomes a lot easier!
Also Read: Why Don’t More Women Say NO In Marriage
When Your In-Laws Force You To Call OR Visit Your Relatives
Sometimes if you find your in-laws forcing you to call and talk to your relatives OR visit them when there is no absolute necessity, it would obviously get annoying.
Especially when you are not interested, would you still go against your ideals and do it for the sake of pleasing your in-laws?
In such instances, my suggestion to you would be to ignore your in-laws’s views.
When you are absolutely in the right mindset to talk to your relatives or friends, you could very well visit or call them; for that matter, anything you do in your life should be in your interest and not out of other’s compulsion. Don’t you agree?
When You Are Worn Out and Your In-Laws Expect You To Work
There would be times when you might be exhausted after a tiring day but your in-laws prod you with some work.
In such a case, unless and until it is absolutely Essential, why should you even agree to do the work?
Be true to yourself and inform your in-laws that you need some rest after a tiring day and that you could take care of the same work sometime later. What’s wrong in this?
Your in-laws will definitely understand when you communicate your thoughts clearly.
Dealing With Complaining Indian In-Laws!
Do your in-laws keep complaining you all the time?
Do they keep tracking you and your tiny flaws here and there – Here is how you deal with them 🙂
When Your In-Laws Keep Taking A Dig At You Through Their Unmindful Remarks
Have you ever felt your in-laws triggering your temperament through their irrelevant talks and grousings?
Do their remarks look deplorable and facilitate a hostile environment for you?
Do your in-laws unnecessarily keep cribbing about the way you handle things?
Do they show their despair through their unacceptable demeanour?
If yes, it is high time you turn a blind eye and deaf ear to their rantings – You know, Ignorance is the best remedy in such situations as paying heed to them will only impact your mental peace.
When Your In-Laws Always Find Faults With Your Cooking Style
Do your in-laws often discourage the way you cook?
Do they often find problems with the food you cook and keep demotivating you?
If you think you keep encountering such instances in your life, I highly insist you to take your partner’s intervention at the right time. I am sure he is the only one who could effectively handle his parents and help you out of such situations.
Also, at any cost don’t let such situations hinder your self-confidence, why do you have to seek approval from anyone for that matter?
How Do You Deal With In-Laws Who Complain The Way You Raise Your Child?
Do you have a feeling that your in-laws have issues with the way you raise your child?
If yes, try to have a broader perspective and hear them out first. As elders with years and years of experience, they could guide you better, isn’t it?
That said, what is wrong in altering your methodology if you find their counsel right?
OR contrarily, if you find their suggestions baseless, choose to ignore them.
When your intentions are right, where is the need to worry – Indeed, you are going on the right track!
Tackling Indian In Laws When They Complain About You To Your Parents
Have you ever come across a situation where your in-laws complained about you to your parents?
If yes, then for sure your in-laws are not sensible enough and the best way to handle such a situation is by roping in your partner.
Only he could deal with his parents wisely and explain things better to them.
Remember, your interference will only make the situation worse – So act wisely and not roughly!
Also Read: Is It A Good Idea Living With Your In-Laws?
What If Your In-Laws Keep Complaining About Your Parents To You?
Do your in-laws deride the way your parents carried out your wedding?
Do they often come up with reasons to downgrade your parents?
In such cases, without any thought, you should become your parents’ daughter and stand up for them in an assertive manner – Remember, your response should be subtle and to the point so that you don’t get involved in unnecessary arguments.
What If Your In-Laws Keep Comparing You With Their Daughter?
Does your sister-in-law often fare in the conversations your in-laws have with you?
Do they keep comparing you with their daughter all the time?
If yes, choose to ignore your in-laws unless and until they cross their boundaries. Even then remain subtle and respond, “I am not your daughter and I am different and unique in my ways” – That way tackling Indian in laws becomes less complex.
What If Your In-Laws Keep Taunting You About Your Conception?
If you are a newly married woman, it’s no wonder if your in-laws are pressuring you about your conception.
There would also be times when they pass unnecessary jibes at you about this.
In such cases, brush aside all their comments and pressure – Your life is yours, so make a wise decision and stick to it. That way, their talks will not affect you in any way.
Tackling Indian In Laws When They Have Differences With You And Your Practices
Having differences with your in-laws is a natural thing – So you don’t have to worry about it.
Let me walk you through a few situations from my own experiences where it is highly probable for you to face challenges from your in-laws’ end.
When Your In-Laws Do Not Like The Idea Of You Visiting Your Parents
I have no idea why Indian parents-in-law have a problem when their DILS announce about them visiting their parents’.
Is it not natural and the right of every woman to visit her parents?
On the contrary, the society has made it all the more dreadful for women to even let their in-laws know about this – Isn’t that pathetic?
So the next time you see dissent coming from your in-laws when you plan to visit your parents’, choose to ignore them.
Your parents are your parents no matter what. And nobody could deny you the right to visit them – If they do, remember they are morally wrong!
When Your In-Laws Don’t Respect Your Decisions
Let’s say you decide to organize a religious function at home while your in-laws are not in favour of it.
As a dil, How would you go about such a situation – Let me tell you.
Take your spouse’s confidence, plan things, and ask your spouse to convince your in-laws too. Sometimes, your direct communication with the in-laws will not work out and your spouse’s intervention becomes mandatory.
Do you have a feeling that you do not like your in-laws – YOU MUST READ THIS!
What Would You Do When Your In-Laws Despise The Idea Of You Sharing Your Salary With Your Parents?
Daughters supporting their parents financially after marriage is something that the society should appreciate – But does it ever happen in our stereotyped society?
I have seen a lot of parents-in-law cribbing about their daughters in law giving out their salary to their parents – What is wrong in that?
As a dil, if you are in such a situation, just remember this – When your parents have struggled so hard to get you the best all their lives, is it not time for you to pay them back?
Be a Proud daughter, Why even worry about what your in-laws/society think?
When Your In-Laws Do Not Like You Doing Things For Your Parents
Surprising your mother on her birthday OR your father on his, is something you should do for your parents without any inhibitions.
If your in-laws are seemingly against all this, choose to ignore them – for you are your parents’ daughter after all, isn’t it?
How Would You Deal With In-Laws Who Are Against The Idea Of You Accommodating Your Parents?
Whether you’re your parents’ only child OR not, taking care of them is definitely your responsibility and right as well, isn’t it?
That said, if you wish to take your parents with you, be confident and talk to your parents-in-law about it. As a morally-obligated daughter, you should persuade the latter about it. If possible, take your partners’ help too – Since it’s a joint family, you should convince your in-laws at any cost!
When Indian In-Laws Don’t Encourage Your Financial Independence
Every woman has the right to pursue her career and stay financially independent.
In the case where your in-laws act as a stumbling block to your aspirations citing family and children as a reason, take your partner’s confidence – Only he could bridge you to your dreams.
When Your In-Laws Cannot Accept Your Spending Habits
Say you are someone who invests in quality products while your in-laws prefer to go with substandard products in order to control the house-expenditure.
In such a case, there is a huge possibility that they oppose your spending habits.
That said, how do you handle them?
Explain to your in-laws why you are investing money on certain things unlike them – When you elaborate more on the positives, your in-laws might get convinced surprisingly 🙂
Dealing With Indian In-Laws When They Interfere In Your Relationship With Your Spouse
It is not uncommon to see in-laws who cross their boundaries to have a say on the personal relationship between their son and dills.
That said, how do you tackle them as a DIL – Here are a few instances that will guide you!
What If Your In-Laws Interfere In Affairs Concerning You And Your Spouse?
Have you ever found your in-laws coming in between the discussion you are having with your spouse?
Do they over-interfere by trying to inquire about your personal equation with your spouse?
Or do they pop in to witness and investigate the fight between you and your spouse?
As a daughter in law, I always feel it is better if in-laws stay within their boundaries.
Instead when they try to grill you with their countless questions and thoughts, situations would only turn worse.
If you ever find yourself in such situations, try not to give in much to your in-laws’ conversations – Stay subtle in your responses and do not entertain them for long.
Tackling Indian In Laws Who Cannot Tolerate Their Son Helping You Out With Domestic Work
Have you ever found yourself in situations where your mother in law has mocked you when your husband was helping you with household work?
Is your mother-in-law finding it hard to accept her son helping you out with domestic chores?
In that case, she should understand that, Her son, who is your spouse, has equal responsibility towards the family too.
In such situations, better learn to ignore your MIL’s comments OR take your partner’s help who could make his mother understand things better.
What If Your In-Laws Do Not Understand The Privacy You Share With Your Spouse?
How would you feel when your in-laws barge into the room when you are spending some quality time with your partner?
Obviously it will get you annoyed because they don’t respect the husband and wife privacy – But please don’t grow irritated.
Instead take your spouse’s sibling’s help to make your parents-in-law understand your stance – Here, a close aide’s intervention is necessary because it’s a matter of embarrassment for both you and your spouse.
How Would It Be If Your In-Laws Disrupt Your Private Space With Your Spouse?
Say you plan to go on a vacation with your partner while your mil announces that she wants to join you both.
Nobody but only your partner could manage the situation better here.
With humour and little sternness, he could make your MIL understand your thoughts better.
Dealing with In-Laws When They Try To Over-Power You
Overbearing in-laws are a kind most dils dread about – I have dedicated a whole blog to this topic where I discuss how to maintain cordial relationship with them.
Here I list down a few instances for your benefit.
When Your In Laws Stop You From Creating Your Zone At Home
In the case of overbearing in-laws, there is a huge possibility that they will not allow you to create a space for yourself at home.
To make it even clear, if your MIL is overpowering and does not allow you to work independently in the kitchen, She will keep interfering in your work and get you irked.
In such a case, be an assertive DIL and make your MIL understand your situation because this is such a basic need of any human and nobody can deny you of your rights.
When Your Indian In-Laws Force You To Go For A Job
In some cases, Indian in-laws might expect their daughters-in law to work. If such is your situation, how would you deal with it?
Especially when you wish to remain a house-wife, wouldn’t your in-laws’ condition seem unacceptable?
Remember, it is your life, so you cannot let anyone impose their decisions on you – So think what would be right for you and stick to it. It doesn’t matter how your in-laws perceive your decision. If need be, take your partners’ help.
Do you have a feeling that your in-laws are ignoring your needs and emotions – YOU MUST READ THIS BLOG!
When Your In-Laws Expect You Take Approval From Them Before Doing Things
Whether it is buying a pack of lentils for the house OR going out to meet a friend, if your in-laws expect you to take their permission for every little thing, is that fair?
As a grown-up, you cannot encourage this – Meaning, you should not seek approval for every insignificant subject, when you can deal them on your own.
That said, it is better to ignore your in-laws’ expectations and keep going!
Dealing with In-Laws When They Try To Over Power Your Spouse
Some Indian In-Laws have the habit of controlling their son which could pose a major threat to the latter’s marriage – Here are a few situations that will make my point clear!
When Your In-Laws Try To Influence Your Partner
No matter how much your overpowering in-laws try to manipulate your spouse , it doesn’t matter as long as your relationship with your spouse is going on well.
Building and developing a good communication with your partner improves your trust quotient – Which means no external force, including your in-laws’ could pose a threat to your marriage.
So, ensure you set the right relationship with your spouse if you are yet to!
When Your In-Laws Try To Take Control Over Your Spouse’s Financial Independence!
It is not uncommon to see overpowering in-laws trying to influence their son’s finances, even after their marriage. No, parents guiding their son on finances is not wrong but when they try to control, it has to be taken charge of.
That is why you should make your partner understand the importance of his independence on this front!
Dear DIL, You MUST Understand The Significance Of Handling Your In-Laws Wisely and Positively!
You cannot choose to be aggressive or passive while dealing with your in-laws; for it will only aggravate problems further in your family.
So, choose to be positive and assertive in your approaches. That way, you will save yourself from a lot of inconveniences , mental tribulations, and also retain peace in your family.
Hey, how did you like my blog – Post your thoughts in the comments section below.
Also,if you could share this blog for the benefit of every daughter-in-law out there, I will be really grateful to you – Thank you in advance 🙂